|
|
|
|
|
|
||
|
|
||
|
|
"Consult not your fears but your hopes and your dreams.
Think not about your frustrations, but about your unfulfilled
potential. Concern yourself not with what you tried and failed in,
but with what is still possible for you to do."
-Pope John XXIII
One of my newsletter subscribers wrote to share how profoundly she was affected by thinking about three questions I asked in my last article, The Power of Acknowledgement.
Perhaps these questions deserve further reflection:
1. Are you affected by what happens to you?
2. Do you affect what happens to you?
3. Which would you prefer?
In The Art of Possibility, authors Rosamund and Benjamin Zander remind us of our tremendous ability to attract what we want in our lives by being purposeful. In addition to being co-author of this wonderful book, Ben Zander is also the conductor of the Boston Philharmonic Orchestra and a teacher at the New England Conservatory of Music. After 25 years of teaching, Ben Zander recognized that students would be in such a chronic state of anxiety over the measurement of their performance that they would be reluctant to take risks with their playing. One evening Ben brainstormed with his wife, Roz (she is a therapist), to see if they could think of something that would dispel students' anticipation of failure. Here's what they came up with.
Ben had a class of 30 graduate students taking a two-semester exploration into the art of musical performance, including the psychological and emotional factors that can stand in the way of great music-making. He announced at the beginning of the semester that each student in the class would be getting an A for the course. However, they were asked to fulfill one requirement to earn this grade.
Sometime during the next two weeks, each student was asked to write him a letter dated for the following May, which began with the words, "Dear Mr. Zander, I got my A because...". In the letter they were to tell a detailed story of what would have happened to them by next May that was in line with them receiving an A in his class. In other words, Zander asked the students to place themselves in the future, looking back, and to report on all the insights they acquired and milestones they attained during the school year, as if those accomplishments were already in the past. He asked them to write about the person they would have become by next May. You'll have to get The Art of Possibility to read some of the amazing letters Ben Zander received from his students.
Zander tells us that "the A is an invention that creates possibility for both mentor and student, manager and employee, or for any human interaction. The practice of giving an A allows the teacher to line up with her students in their efforts to produce the outcome, rather than lining up with the standards against these students. In the first instance, the instructor and the student, or the manager and the employee, become a team for accomplishing the extraordinary; in the second, the disparity in power between them can become a distraction and an inhibitor, drawing energy away from productivity and development."
Doing Things the "Right" Way
"You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way,
the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist."
-- Friedrich Nietzsche
Those in charge often fall into the trap of identifying their own agendas and standards, along with a message that "my way is the only right way." Virtually everybody wakes up in the morning with an unseen assumption that life is about the struggle to survive and get ahead in a world of limited resources. This limited view squelches innovation and creativity, and it also trains people to focus on what they need to do to please their superiors by doing things the "right" way -- whether that way works for them or not.
As a youth I had planned on a performance career as a coloratura/lyric soprano, so I was thrilled when I was offered admission to Eastman School of Music -- a very competitive and top-rated music conservatory in New York. I vividly recall one of my lowest moments during my freshman year at Eastman...
My roommate was a bassoonist, and we were both giving recitals near the end of our freshman year. She needed a scheduled break in the middle of her recital to rest her embouchure (the formation of the muscles in the mouth and lips, designed to create pressure on the reed), so she asked if I would perform something from my recital on her program. I agreed to do so, thinking it would also be good practice for me as I prepared for my own recital two weeks later.
The week before her recital, my voice teacher noticed a flyer advertising my roommate's recital program, with my name included on her program. That week when I entered my teacher's studio for my voice lesson, she pulled out a copy of my roommate's flyer and informed me that I would not be performing in her recital because I was not ready During the ensuing rage-filled lecture that followed, my teacher instructed me that I was never to perform in public without her permission. After all, her reputation was on the line! She could not believe I had the audacity to consider performing anywhere in public without first getting her permission to do so.
Recalling this most unpleasant outburst from my Prima Donna voice teacher 28 years ago, I have great appreciation for something that Ben Zander said: "It is dangerous to have our musicians so obsessed with competition because they will find it difficult to take the necessary risks with themselves to be great performers. The art of music, since it can only be conveyed through its interpreters, depends on expressive performance for its lifeblood. Yet it is only when we make mistakes in performance that we can really begin to notice what needs attention." You don't have to be a musician to appreciate the value of his wisdom.
Zander actively trains his students to celebrate their mistakes by lifting their arms in the air, smiling, and saying, "How fascinating!" As I read the book, I tried to imagine what it would have been like as an 18-year-old performer if I had studied with a teacher like Benjamin Zander.
You may be wondering what happened after my voice teacher ripped me to shreds. At the age of 18, I did not have the backbone to stand up to a person of such famed stature, so I did not perform in my roommate's recital. Just two weeks later I performed the same piece in my own recital...and my teacher was very pleased with my performance. After completing my freshman year, I transferred to Macalester College in Minnesota, where I got a great liberal arts education and studied with an outstanding and affirming voice teacher for my remaining three years. There I received encouragement and support in an environment where it was safe to take risks, make mistakes, and learn from them. Instead of feeling defeated, I flourished.
Carl Jung, the Swiss psychologist and psychiatrist who founded analytic psychology, sums it up by saying that "Criticism has the power to do good when there is something that must be destroyed, dissolved, or redirected, but it is capable only of harm when there is something to be built."
Zander suggests that mistakes and negative experiences can become great opportunities for growth. He tells the story about a tenor who came to him after losing his girlfriend. He was in such despair that he could hardly function. Zander was secretly delighted, because he knew that this heartbreak would enable the tenor to more fully express the heart-rendering passion of Schubert's Die Winterreise (about the loss of a beloved). Zander recalls, "That song had completely eluded him the previous week because up to then, the only object of affection he had ever lost was a pet goldfish."
In The Art of Possibility, the Zanders share a fundamental practice that is captured in the catch-phrase, "it's all invented." It's all a story you tell -- not just some of it, but all of it. And every story you tell is founded on a network of hidden assumptions.
Zander explains, "We do not mean that you can just make anything up and have it magically appear. We mean that you can shift the framework to one whose underlying assumptions allow for the conditions you desire. Let your thoughts and actions spring from the new framework and see what happens."
Here's a great example of the power of shifting your framework and assumptions: A shoe factory sends two marketing scouts to a region of Africa to study the prospects for expanding business. One sends back a telegram saying, "Situation hopeless. No one wears shoes." The other writes back triumphantly, "Glorious business opportunity. They have no shoes!"
Perhaps you've applied limitations that were not given to you, but were assumed. So what happens if you open up the possibility of using the space beyond the dots rather than confining yourself to work within the square formed by the outer dots? If you are still struggling with this, scroll down to the end of this article to see what is possible when you invent a new point of view.
Here are some simple questions the Zanders suggest you ask yourself as you practice "it's all invented."
Remember the three questions I began this article with?
Are you affected by what happens to you?
Do you affect what happens to you?
Which would you prefer?
Using the "it's all invented" practice, perhaps you can begin to see how you can profoundly affect what happens to you.
I invite you to take out a piece of stationery and write yourself a letter, dating it for June, 2006. Project yourself into the future as you write a letter about all the insights you will have acquired and the milestones you will have attained during the year, as if your accomplishments for the next twelve months were already in the past.
"In the realm of possibility, we gain our knowledge by invention. Language creates categories of meaning that open up new worlds to explore. The pie is enormous, and if you take a slice, the pie is whole again. " --Benjamin Zander
What is possible when you invent a new point of view?
"When you change the way you look at things,
the things you look at change."
--Wayne Dyer
Kathy Paauw helps busy executives, professionals, and entrepreneurs de-clutter their schedules, spaces and minds so they can focus on what's most important. She is an organizing & productivity consultant, certified professional & personal coach, and speaker. Contact Kathy via email: kathy@orgcoach.net or visit her website at http://www.orgcoach.net and learn how you can find anything you file or store in 5 seconds?guaranteed!


I want to warn you: this article can cause some discomfort, indignation and sense of insult in minds of people who are not ready to be successful. If you are not ready to... Read More
See if this scenario sounds familiar. You're under a lot of stress. You feel irritable, angry, or depressed, and you wish with all your heart that you could "snap out of it" but... Read More
My mother taught me how to teach others about the power of the mind. By learning how to teach her, I learned how to communicate essential wealth-building ideas to others.Many years ago, she... Read More
I've navigated plenty of speed bumps on life's road. My father's death led me to an entirely different career than my planned one. My business burned to the ground. Unscrupulous partners left me... Read More
I remember a football game from last season when the Philadelphia Eagles were hosting the Carolina Panthers. One of the announcers said something like this: "If this game is about passion, it's about... Read More
Have you ever noticed that there is no shortage of people willing to give you advice, whether or not you asked for it? I've developed some simple rules about from whom I will... Read More
I would like you to give your full attention to this writing, because what you about to read will transform your life and circumstances significantly. If there is distraction around you, get rid... Read More
Using affirmations can be a very powerful tool. You can use it in many aspects of your life to achieve certain goals and to ultimately effect the way YOU want to feel. Using... Read More
When I was about 10 years, I got a t-shirt from my uncle and aunt that said "It's hard to soar with the eagles when you're hanging out with a bunch of turkeys."... Read More
Dear Internet friend. Each human being is an incredible piece of sowtware. Each one of us has been "programmed" in a certain way. This program runs our lives 24 hours a day, and... Read More
It's unbelievable the amount of bad advice there is out there on how to seduce a man or if they give you advice they forget to tell you how to use it properly.... Read More
When you make a decision, you hope it is ultimately one that supports your highest interests and that leads you toward greater joy, so it is important to consider what part of you... Read More
As you already know, the Angels are here; ready to assist us but how can they assist us if they aren't control freaks or butt-in-skees? Obviously, they don't butt in. I have never... Read More
Bigger is better. Isn't that the American dream?Why buy a road-hogging, critter-squishing, bumper-defying, wall-of-metal SUV when you have the delicious option of buying a BIGGER road-hogging, critter-squishing, bumper-defying, wall-of-metal SUV?Why settle for a... Read More
What is a values-based life? A values-based life is a self-capable life free of doubt or fear; a life that allows you to take risks, fulfill dreams, capture goals and live to your... Read More
There is an art and a science to prosperity. The art is playing with the magic of prosperity. The science is aligning with the physics of prosperity.Play at Life!Why does the money run... Read More
The top business people all say the same thing ? first impressions count. Sounds easy, and it is easy for those few who can start a conversation with just about anyone but how... Read More
The Luck Factor rips apart the notion that luck is something that just happens. Dr. Wiseman reports on over three years of scientific inquiry into what is often considered the most unscientific topic... Read More
The process of human change begins within us. We all have tremendous potential. We all desire good results from our efforts. Most of us are willing to work hard and to pay the... Read More
The Concept of Beauty"Mirror Mirror on the Wall, who's the most beautiful of them all?"This is a line spoken by the Queen in the children's fairy tale "Snow White"The Queen most likely, was... Read More
Got your attention, didn't I? I figured that title would get you to sit up in your chair and take notice. How to get rich? Hmmmm, let's take a second and think about... Read More
Introduction"Where you find yourself tomorrow is a function of the decisions and actions you take today" -Akin A. AwolajaLike the song by Linda Ronstadt, "a dream is a wish that your heart makes."... Read More
Do you have the necessary attributes to be a successful secret services agent? Do you melt into the background where no one can see you? Do you hide behind someone else? Would you... Read More
The heart seems to be one of the most vulnerable in the system because it is the one that has held the most fear, the most old pain, perhaps, and repressed energy. It... Read More
You've written out your goals. You read them every day. You do the visualization exercises. You do everything you've read about in this newsletter and all the other newsletters, seminars, self-help books and... Read More
Aging is inevitable, but its most negative effects can be minimized and turned into a graceful progression. Exercise and proper diet are key factors. But, when your living or working environment is in... Read More
Do you remember your younger years when you and your friends played all sorts of fun games all day long? I'm sure you do. If there is one thing children know how to... Read More
You know it's funny how some people just seem to have all the luck in the world. Infact in some cases it almost seems to be unfair. Or to coin a phrase -... Read More
Nothing ever happens by chance. Everything, good or bad, that comes into our lives is a result of the thoughts we have engaged in, or by what God has ordained to get our... Read More
This is a popular question people ask me. How do you know if I am mastering the art of Deliberate Attraction? Is there an advanced course I can take? My answer is always... Read More
Many of us mistakenly believe that it's wrong or conceited, to think we have any good qualities. We may spend a lot of time berating ourselves for our negative qualities, thinking that self... Read More
What's most astounding is that the vast majority of business people don't automatically understand the concept of charm. You'd think it would be a reflex, a conditioned response in business to "turn on... Read More
Introduction"Where you find yourself tomorrow is a function of the decisions and actions you take today" -Akin A. AwolajaLike the song by Linda Ronstadt, "a dream is a wish that your heart makes."... Read More
Evolution is nothing but seeking with clarity, demanding clarity at every moment. Every moment clarify to yourself the greater purpose of everything you do. This will stabilize you. Now focus on what you... Read More
We all experience a little shyness at times with people who we find intimidating.Here are some useful suggestions and ideas that can help you overcome shyness and speak up when you need to... Read More
Imagine trying to drive at night in your car with windows covered in Vaseline - or try walking around for a day with prescription glasses that aren't your own. You might find it... Read More
"Slowly, slowly, walk the path and you might never stumble or fall. Slowly, slowly walk the path and you might never fall in love at all."From Golden Golden By Andy M StewartIn Corrogue... Read More
Good luck was not part of my life for many years until; I discovered a formula that has proven to be effective for me and many others.Are you ready?Okay, then here it is:1.... Read More
Tip #1. Find your purpose. Finding one's purpose is the key to having a happy and successful life. It all starts here. Find what you are passionate about. Find what you enjoy doing.... Read More
I saw a coaching client recently who wanted to get right down to business and plan out her new, bold life. She wasn't sure what that life was, but she wanted to map... Read More
The art of conversation is a skill shared by most successful people. Good conversation promotes an image of self-confidence, intelligence, and wittiness.People who always seem to rise to the top of their professions... Read More
Most business people would rather have customers seek us out based on a strong personal referral from a satisfied customer, than go to the expense of mass advertising. It's called marketing through attraction.... Read More
This is the third of seven articles in our continuing series on Universal Law. The focus of this article is the Law of Cause & Effect. Based on the Socratic law of causality,... Read More
If you've been practising the Law of Attraction, then you're probably familiar with the expressions, "just Allow" and "it will come." Well, technically, both expressions are true. However, 'Allowing' is not just thinking... Read More
Do you believe in the idea of "abundance" or do you see the whole notion as just a load of "airy-fairy" nonsense spouted by "new age" goody goodies?As you'll soon discover - I... Read More
How are you feeling now?The answer to this question determines how much money you will make, how big your house will be, how beautiful your car will be, how well you will manage... Read More
If you think success, happiness and love are going to happen without learning through mistakes along the way you are mistaken.Our brains are wired to learn from our own experiences as well as... Read More
When you have an important event to attend there are 7 great ways to make sure you perform at your very best. These tips are relevant for social events and business meetings. Discover... Read More
Dear friends,Whenever I read the words "effortless prosperity" a chain reaction of thoughts immediately starts in my mind. I ask myself these questions.How is that possible? Does effortless prosperity mean free money? Will... Read More
If you had to write an annual appraisal on yourself how would you describe yourself?? Are you a mental sprinter who sees things quickly and easily? Do you react to things in a... Read More
Few people are prepared for the responsibilities and tasks involved in caring for loved ones who are ill, elderly, or disabled. The success of the relationship between you and your loved one depends... Read More
There was a woman who was in such a hurry to go to the airport.She told the cab driver to step on it. She was so engrossedwith her own thoughts that she was... Read More
Who's World Is It?Who's world really is it? Is it a man's world? There is a song by James Brown. "This is a mans world" is the chorus. Is this world the wealthy... Read More
Have you ever felt paralyzed or crippled by fear? As a businesswoman, producer, and model through my various business ventures, I've felt fearful from time to time. And I'm sure that, like me,... Read More
I'd like you to do an exercise with me.I want you to use your imagination to construct a dream theater.Begin by visiting your living room in your mind's eye.Now this is not the... Read More
Three Secrets to Effective Affirmations:1 Drive your Physiology - by this I mean get yourself into a dynamic state of mine by moving your body energetically. I find walking quickly, cycling or jumping... Read More
Sitting here today in sunny Queensland Australia, I'm reflecting on what makes one person more attractive than another. Not just by physical attraction, but what makes them captivating. I've met absolutely gorgeous guys... Read More
We have all heard this warning: You never get a second chance to make a good first impression. Also, human behavior specialists caution that we only have from seven to seventeen seconds of... Read More
| GOOGLE AD |
Attraction Attraction |