Become More Self-Confident

Signs of Self-Confidence

Let's explore the meaning of self-confidence by taking a quiz. Read the list of statements below and check which ones, in your opinion, are signs of self-confidence.

1. Admitting when you are wrong.

2. Being flexible when change is needed.

3. Talking about your accomplishments.

4. Describing negative events in positive terms. For example, "We didn't make our target, but we sure learned a lot."

5. Dressing to please yourself without worrying what others will think.

6. Using a strong handshake.

7. Using casual language in an effort to avoid sounding too "corporate." For example, "You guys did a cool thing."

8. Speaking very fast.

9. Smiling often.

10. Learning new skills.

11. Putting yourself down in order to sound humble.

Compare your answers to those on the bottom of page three under "Quiz #1."

Low Self-Confidence

Part of defining self-confidence is thinking about what low self-confidence is, what it looks and sounds like. Test yourself now. Circle the statements that convey a lack of self-confidence.

1. "I may be wrong, but I think the answer is ten."

2. "Thank you for the compliment. We're very proud of our work."

3. "That was really stupid of me."

4. "I forgot my business cards. I left them in the car."

5. (Responding to a compliment) "Oh, I've had this dress for ten years."

6. "I would have gotten into the program, but they don't like to take people with my background."

7. "That sounds like a challenge. I'm sure we can figure out how to solve it, though."

8. "I'm sorry to interrupt, but I wonder if I could have a minute of your time."

Compare your answers to those listed at the bottom of page three under "Quiz #2."

Where Does Self-Confidence Come From?

Self-confidence is not something people are born with. It results from a combination of factors:

1. Learned skill: Self-confidence is a combination of skills, not just a single quality. People are not born with it or without it. It can be learned.

2. Practice: Self-confidence comes from practice. It may appear to be spontaneous, but it isn't.

3. Internal locus of control: Self-confidence results from what psychologists call an internal locus (central point) of control. This means that people who are self-directing, who accept responsibility for their own results, have greater self-confidence.

8 Self-Confidence Builders

There are many concrete, specific things you can do to feel more confident in challenging life situations. Make note of those that will help you develop your own sense of self-confidence.

1. Follow your strengths. Self-confidence comes from being the best "you" possible. It doesn't come from trying to be someone else. It is the result of following paths like these:

? Do what comes naturally.

? Develop your talents.

? Follow your convictions.

? Express your own style.

2. Plan ahead. Many people are surprised to hear that self-confidence comes from something as ordinary as planning. But think about it; let's say you are going on a job interview, almost always an anxiety-producing experience. When you are prepared, you feel more confident.

3. Take action. Confidence comes from taking action. Break your challenge down into small steps and take that first step, no matter how small it seems.

4. Study. The more you know about your subject, the more confident you will feel. In fact, the lack of self-confidence almost always stems from a lack of information. We've all had that sick feeling that we don't fully understand what we are talking about.

5. Act the part. The following tips will help you begin to present yourself in a positive way.

? Find a role model. Look for someone who is already successful in your field. Observe him or her and identify for yourself what behaviors convey self-confidence.

? Look and act powerful. Watch people who create a powerful impression. It could be a TV anchor, a character in a movie, or a coworker. Imagine yourself behaving in a similar way. For an example, watch the movie Top Hat. Fred Astaire exudes confidence.

? Be aware of nonverbal behavior that detracts from presenting yourself with confidence. Ask for feedback from a trusted friend or watch yourself on videotape.

6. Rehearse for success. One of the most important ways to boost your self-confidence is by rehearsing important conversations and presentations. You can never be too prepared. These ideas will help you practice so that you really understand your subject:

? Manage your anxiety. Feeling anxious is normal when you are in a challenging situation. The key is learning to manage anxiety so it doesn't paralyze you or diminish your effectiveness.

? Get organized. When your materials are prepared and well-organized, you will feel better about your ability to access them. Having information scattered in too many places makes you feel out of control and undermines your self-confidence.

7. Persist. Self-confidence is the result of a lot of hard work. The process takes time. It has been said that success is 99% persistence and 1% talent.

8. Enjoy your success. When you reach your goal, don't forget to give yourself credit for working hard. Be proud of what you've accomplished. Here are some ways you can do this:

? Look in the mirror and say to yourself, "Good work. I'm proud of you."

? Think of a way to reward yourself.

? Tell others about your success.

? Write yourself a letter or explore your accomplishment in your journal.

? Draw a picture expressing your achievement.

Answers to Quiz #1

Items 1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 9, and 10 are generally signs of self-confidence. The others could be seen as self-sabotaging behaviors.

Answers to Quiz #2

Items 1, 3, 4, 5, 6, and 8 communicate low self-confidence. (Of course, there are no 100% right answers, since many of the statements depend on context, tone of voice, cultural interpretation, and other factors.)

Garrett Coan is a professional therapist,coach and psychotherapist. His two Northern New Jersey office locations are accessible to individuals who reside in Bergen County, Essex County, Passaic County, Rockland County, and Manhattan. Garrett also offers online and telephone coaching and counseling services for those who live at a distance. He can be accessed through http://www.creativecounselors.com or at 201-303-4303.

---

Learn to Say No!

How many times have you agreed to do something that you actually didn't want to do? For someone at work? Your friends? Even your spouse? All you had to do was say no,... Read More

How Not Letting Go of Your Past can Hurt Your Future

Experiences, whether good or bad, are sometimes all we have, and most of them reside in the past. So you may ask, why should I let go of my past when much of... Read More

Hows Your Self-Talk?

You know, what are you saying to yourself? There's always something going on in there. Do you make positive statements about yourself to yourself or are you beating yourself up with your own... Read More

4 Ways To Avoid Looking Stupid When Making Small Talk

The fear of saying something silly and feeling embarrassed stops many of us from contributing more to discussions at work and when we are relaxing with friends.And ironically the more we worry about... Read More

Overcoming Work Addiction

Why are you so busy? Do you really have too much work? Is work so important to you that you'll sacrifice just about anything in your life to get the job done? Even... Read More

Discovering Your Passion and Purpose

"I can't seem to discover why I'm on the planet.""What is my purpose here? I know there's something I'm supposed to be doing, but I don't know how to find out what it... Read More

Negotiating Difficult Life Transitions

Life is a process of beginnings and endings. In both life and nature, there are times when things move slowly and don't seem to change very much. Then, suddenly, things change quickly. Moving... Read More

Choosing The Perfect Coach

So, you're ready to start coaching. You either have some issues that you think a coach can help you overcome, or you just think it's time for a quality of life tune-up. You've... Read More

Coaching Skills for Peers: Extending Influence

Many people think of coaching solely as a management technique. Although coaching skills provide managers with the means to get business results while creating solid relationships, the value of coaching in other arenas... Read More

Dare To Be Inconsistent, Lopsided, And Totally Courageous

I was talking to one of my coaching clients and she was talking about not being able to stay with a meditation practice, so she gave up meditating altogether. "I'm either gung ho... Read More

Receiving Thanks and Praise - The View from the Other Side

We demand more from those who provide to us and because we are frequently in roles which deliver goods and services ourselves, we are on the receiving end too - of complaints, frustrations... Read More

Are You A Work Addict?

Work addiction is very common in our society today, yet it is not one that is not highly recognised.An interesting article in the March edition of The Success Report published by Success Technologies... Read More

Coaching Can Help Teachers At A Crossroads In Their Careers

Teachers enter the profession with the desire to help others, but after years in the field it can lose its luster. If it's no longer offering satisfaction the way it once did find... Read More

Working With Choices

Despite our skills, experience or expertise we can still make a meal out of making a choice!Here are some common reasons why people struggle to make choices, and some tips for making them... Read More

How Coaches Find Clients Online

At a recent networking meeting Jana asked for a recommendation for a public speaking coach. She was starting to speak in front of audiences, and wanted to polish her presentation skills a bit.... Read More

Two Pillows and One Dead Husband

That's what I needed when I delved deeply into my first acting class. I was 60 years old and had a lifetime of experiences behind me but anger or rather the act of... Read More

How to Effectively Balance Your Work and Family Life

What Is Your Definition of Success?If you want to create balance in your life, it is important to know how you define success. The following list is a place to start. Cross off... Read More

Great Advice

It never ceases to amaze me that every time I give a speech, do a seminar, or talk with people one-on-one, I get inundated with questions seeking the almighty answers to all that... Read More

A Coaching Secret

I've told people for a long time that one of the "secrets" of coaching is forgiveness. Forgiveness takes your finger out of the dyke of the past so you can let the future... Read More

The Magic of Hearing

I'm working on a coach training certification, and one of the "proficiencies" I'm expected to have mastered is "engages in provocative conversations." Now, that really got me thinking. What's a provocative conversation?Well, the... Read More

Is Your Life Coach Manipulating You? Five Signs to Watch For

Did you hire a "life coach" to help you sort out your complicated existence? The coach is a growing occupational choice for folks who feel the call to lead others who may feel... Read More

Taking The Coach Approach

When you use what you go through to grow through, you take the coach approach. I am suggesting that you hire your own counsel. After all, who else knows your dreams, goals, and... Read More

Listen To Me Lad Says Jack

Once upon a time, a very long time ago, when I was first starting out as an apprentice engineer, I was told to sit next to Jack.Jack was the longest serving Draughtsman in... Read More

Success at Work : People Skills : Complaining

Do you know an individual at work who is a chronic complainer? Are YOU a chronic complainer? People don't like complainers. Listening to a chronic complainer gets people depressed. They prefer to associate... Read More

If I Only Had a Heart

I know you probably have heard of the movie, "The Wizard of Oz" right? Well, for those of you, who have somehow managed to miss this movie, let me give you a brief... Read More

The Power of Storytelling

Each and every day as we are building our businesses, we all know the key to a successful presentation is a product being sold to the end-line consumer and/or sponsoring a new person.... Read More

Feeling Self-Conscious? 6 Tips to Turn it Around Fast!

When you feel self-conscious it means you are putting too much attention on your self, too much focus on what you are doing and how you are doing it. And this is a... Read More

Magic Potions We All Need This Time of Year

As winter descends we begin to feel the chill of shorter days and less sunlight. For many of us, less hours of light combined with colder temperatures results in us feel less light... Read More

Mailey?s Introspections [Monday, December 6th 2005]

As I work with clients as their introspective Inner Peace/Relationship coach, an issue that has come to my awareness is the tendency we have as human beings to stray away from the present... Read More