Co-Dependency

Co-Dependency is an unhealthy reliance on another person for every thought, action, and feeling. It consists of people who seem to be defined by another other person. One person relies so much on another person's opinion -- that the daily functions they once had as an individual are lost. That individual is no longer capable of making his or her own choices.

A person who is co-dependant is constantly striving to please another person and have made them selves so self-less that they begin to lose who they are. Their life becomes a sacrifice for another person.

A person who is co-dependant ceases to be them self and becomes part of two. A person's want for someone else in their life is overcome with the need to have someone else in their life in order to function. The person feels the need to spend every waking moment thinking about that other person, being with them, talking to them, or thinking of ways to make that person happier.

While a marriage should strive to do those items, there is a happy medium and for a lack of a better term, co-dependency could be considered as 'stalking'. The constantly calling them, seeing them, thinking about them, giving them things -- are traits of stalkers who feed their need off the presence of the other person.

If a person doesn't feel happy unless they are with their significant other, this is where the problem begins. To only gain a feeling of happiness by someone, an outside factor that you can't always control is unhealthy. A person must be happy with them selves and love them selves as a person, if you don't love yourself, how do you expect someone else to?

During the honeymoon stages of a relationship, it seems reasonable to want to always be with that person, talk to them, or think about them ? but it is important to know that your life doesn't revolve around them.

My grandparents have been married 60 odd years. Their secret is that she gives the orders and he carries them out, this doesn't work in all relationships. If one were to die, the other would soon follow.

Every leader needs a follower and every follower needs a leader. But in relationships, there needs to be a bigger 50/50 balance of respect and understanding that for the first 18+ years of your life, you have lived as an individual and you have your own habits, both bad, as well as good. These habits aren't easily changed. While we strive to make ourselves better, there will always be something that drives the other person nuts.

As a couple, each person must live their own lives -- pursue their own jobs and hobbies.

I dated a girl I worked with, bad idea. Since I was in upper management, work was my life and I always wanted to talk about it. She on the other hand didn't. She couldn't figure out why I didn't focus more on school. Our priorities conflicted each other and shortly our relationship ended. We both have degrees now, but I have experience and after I left that job, she was let go.

One weekend after she and I had been dating, I was watching a movie at my apartment. Usually she went home (from college) on weekends, but had stayed in town that weekend. We had spent the past week together and I needed to take a break and be myself. She stopped by on Saturday and wondered if I was going to call her since she was in town that weekend. I hadn't planned on it, it would have been good to hang with her, but I didn't need to. She couldn't understand why I just sat there and watched a movie while she was in town and we could spend some time together. Watching movies was one of my favorite things to do, she usually studied, read, or slept.

My parent's relationship is a good example of a non-codependent marriage. They work overlapped hours, so they aren't together 24/7. My mom is usually busy with stuff for church, my dad is busy with other stuff for church and a community service club. At home, she works in her office and he works out in the sunroom. They are both home and happy that they know where the other person is. Every day at noon they call each other, it is more of a tradition than a need. They wouldn't be lost of the other person didn't call, it was just part of their daily routine. Every Friday night they go out to eat and maybe see a movie, after all, remember that they are friends. Sure mom does some things for dad that a mom would do. But that is her nature and it works.

They match as friends to the affect that her strengths are his weaknesses and vice versa. They compliment each other and have a happy relationship in which they are dependent on each other for love and shared memories and the wanting to spend their lives together. They can go days without the other person. But usually don't.

The couples that call each other six times a day and wonder where the other person is and why they aren't with them is where it becomes unhealthy.

A friend of mine was dating one girl who was very co-dependent. When he'd home from work, she would call just a minute or two after he walked in and would ask where he was. He would simply say that he just walked in the door and was resting and this would upset her. She expected him to spend every moment of his spare time with her.

She didn't give him any freedom to be himself. She lived in the fear that if he leaves, her life is nothing. Her needs in the relationship were based on a set of unrealistic expectations. She was so selfish in wanting her needs to be filled that she didn't consider his past and his needs. This was the basis for that relationship ending.

People need their alone time. Time to be by them selves to think. You shouldn't stress yourself out about the other person so much that you can't live as an individual. A relationship can bring happiness, but happiness shouldn't be grounded in another person.

I've been single for quite some time -- maybe by an unconscious choice, maybe conscious, maybe chance, or maybe by a Higher power. Being single has given me the opportunities to do what I want to do, be who I want to be, and discover myself. My plate is so full with wanting to write a book, to finishing a movie, to making short films, to getting my finances in order, building credit, getting in shape, and eating healthy -- that would be a lot to handle and try and maintain a relationship at the same time.

Aside from relationships, people can become co-dependant on drugs, alcohol, sex, painkillers, food, and so many more things. If it is considered bad to be dependant on those, then I would venture to say it would be bad to be co-dependant in a relationship.

That is another article.

Chad J. Bring is a rising author who just published his first novel, Left Standing in addition to co-writing a screenplay for an independent film through their RoomMate Productions film production company.

---

How to Make Women Want You

You don't need a guitar, rock-hard abs, or even a full head of hair to make a great impression on a woman. Follow these tips, and she'll want to hear from you again... Read More

If You Want A Date, Promote Yourself!

How to find a date? Promote yourself! That's one of the key you should consider. It sounds too planned, too contrived, right? You probably wonder whereas the romance; where are all the rainbows,... Read More

Creating Your Online Dating Profile

Are you considering the possibility of using an Online Dating Site to find the Date or Love of your dreams? Yes? Well, did you know that the most important part of finding your... Read More

Why Date Online?

More and more people in the UK are turning to the internet to find a date. The advantages are perhaps obvious; it is easy, it widens your choice of partner and you can... Read More

Breaking Up

The first thing you should do is talk about what happened, to your closest friend or family member. Just let it all out. The more you talk about what happened, the better you'll... Read More

How to Get the Girl You Want: The Attraction Killer to Avoid and Some Strategies for Success

It's one of the supreme tragedies in life. When there's just one girl you want, it becomes much tougher to get her. No matter how much of a player some guys are,... Read More

Dating Advice: Common Interest Results in Happy Marriages

How often do your married friends complain about husbands who spend weekends on the couch watching games? Did they not notice these guys were sports fanatics while they were dating? Did they think... Read More

Want To Be A Success In Dating? Use Your 5 Senses

How often do girls on the street smile to you, pay to you attention? Sometimes? Never? You wonder what you should do to make it happen?It is very easy, just use your senses.First... Read More

Trick Or Treat - Is This Make-Believe Or The Real Thing?

"I'll call you this week". "Yes, I'd love to see you again". "I had a great time". "I'm not interested in dating anyone else". "I think I'm falling in love with you."These are... Read More

Are You Making These Body Language Mistakes With Your Hands?

Unfortunately, what you do with your hands can be one of the quickest non-verbal ways to destroy the attraction that a woman feels for you, because the wrong hand movements can communicate that... Read More

How to Get More Responses at Online Dating Sites

So, you've decided to join a dating website. You're hoping someone out there will find something interesting about you and try to get to know you better.Many members worry about appearing 'desperate' or... Read More

Secret Dating Tips - Top Secrets of a Sex Magnet

In any group of girls, there's usually one who's getting all the attention. You know, she's really animated, talking a lot, outgoing, a lot of guys are hitting on her. You can bet... Read More

How to Flirt and Never Get Rejected!

When it comes to flirting, you can get your point across very easily just using your eyes. Take a moment and watch people who are in love. See how they look at each... Read More

Online Dating - Six Ways to Protect Your Privacy in Cyberspace

Online dating is becoming more and more mainstream, as people from all walks of life plug in and find their soul mate in cyberspace. Here are six tips to finding that special someone... Read More

Seduction Secrets For Men - How To Make Your Dates Effective And Unforgettable

You are on the first date with a girl you have a crush on. Your palms are sweating, you are trying damn hard to come up with something funny to say, only to... Read More

Four Dating Rules You Must Know To Transform Your Love Life

Dating is the first step to love. I am going to give you a simple guide to find your dream-lover. First of all, you will need to call the following basic equipment into... Read More

The Five Worst Date Places

Food in teeth, nausea, childhood stories and exposing your pot belly are all things you ought to avoid on first or second dates. You run the risk of experiencing these and other humiliating... Read More

What is Confident Rapport?

The majority of theories on how to pick up girls were compiled by guys who had problems with women and tried to get better. Therein lies the very nature of the problems with... Read More

Why I Prefer Online Dating

The next most likely place to meet your match is the place where you regularly hang out. However, if your idea of socializing is hanging out at the local pub or bar with... Read More

Married and Unhappy ...

Married women need to feel Love and Married men need to be desired by their partners period !! Put more love into your Life..Start today ... Read on ... Do you want... Read More

Dating in a Modern World

As the UK Online Dating market keeps on growing day by day, there is more and more of a gap to fill these services. This is where ukdatemate.net comes in. It allows private... Read More

Use The Fated Encounter For First Date Seduction Success

Every woman has a fantasy from the time she was a little girl, triggered by a constant diet of romance movies and novels, about fate bringing the man of her dreams to her.In... Read More

How To Write A Successful Personal Ad

No one would know how good you are if you would not let them know about it. Whether you are promoting yourself for a job or for a date, you have to advertise... Read More

Selecting an Online Dating Site

So you are thinking of giving online dating a try yourself. Here are some tips on selecting the online dating site that is right for you.Most sites offer free trial memberships. Join and... Read More

Guys, Do Your Pickup Lines Always Get Met with Turn Downs?

It's unbelievable how many guys have this problem!I mean, you finally got the courage to walk up to that beautiful girl and tell her a pickup line that you thought sounded amazing and... Read More

Does Online Dating Work?

Dating Online is currently the Internets biggest craze, and its here to stay! But does it actually work?I mean, there are tons of Dating websites, but their success with matchmaking is kept rather... Read More

Life isnt Sex and the City

A couple of weeks ago, I watched a Sex and the City episode, in which Charlotte, in her never-ending quest to find true love, attends a seminar to teach her how to do... Read More

Internet Dating ? It?s Not For Geeks

Six months ago an old school friend and I were chatting over coffee, putting the world to rights as women do. She was bemoaning her lack of success in meeting the "right sort"... Read More

Dating Personals! Incredibly Successful, But How Does It Work?

Dating personals offer online dating singles a quick and easy path to quality matchmaking features, and it has become incredibly successful! Dating online services have produced exciting dating tools that help you establish... Read More