The Stories We Tell Ourselves

The Hasidic master, Rabbi Shlomo Carlebach taught that on Passover night we are bringing our entire life stories to the Seder table to be freed. What exactly does this mean? To begin with, we are by nature, storytellers. Whether we are aware of it or not, we live in a world of stories. Stories that we tell our family, friends, coworkers, and clients. Stories we share over the phone, e-mail, in our journals and the stories that are constantly playing themselves out in our heads. Stories about what's happening to those we love, stories about those we despise, stories that inspire the spirit, and stories that instill fear.

The sum and total of our life is that, from our birth until our death, we are walking stories, here upon the earth. Yet on Passover, it's the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves that needs to be looked at and freed. The stories we tell ourselves about ourselves have great power over us. Depending on how they are told, our life stories can either enlighten or mislead, inspire or discourage.

A good exercise for this Passover is to become more aware of the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves and our past. What are the underlying themes of our stories?

Victory? Betrayal? Struggle? Victimization? Each of us has had key events in our pasts, whether it be from our childhood, or more recent episodes of hurt and loss, where a part of us draws a reactionary conclusion about our life stories -- even when the conclusions are terribly incorrect. Many perpetuate these stories and our immature understandings of them often make a further mess of our lives in the process - unless a reminder comes to wake us up and reorient our perspective. Our Hebrew Sages teach that Passover is such a reminder.

Passover is a reminder that we need not live in our Egypts forever. There is a G-d, a Higher Power, that has an invested interest in our Liberation. Our job comes in our willingness to understand, heal and ultimately elevate the stories we hold onto that are no longer working for us. After all, it does clearly state in the Haggadah, "In every generation a person is obligated to see themselves, as if they themselves left Egypt". What are we doing to leave THIS year?

We can simply begin by looking at our life stories and revising parts of the script. Remember, it's not what happened to us that's important but what we make of those events.

The following suggestions are designed to help us tell our stories well this year:

Become a Sympathetic Narrator

When telling your story about yourself, to yourself, become a sympathetic narrator.

In literature, a sympathetic narrator is one who takes the side of the story's protagonist or main character. For example, when the Torah introduces the life of King David, it includes his shortcomings, yet does not let it take away from his greatness. Similarly, we need to admit mistakes yet not obsess over them. A sympathetic narrator casts daily failures as learning experiences, painful yet helpful steps on the way to success.

Choose What You Want to Emphasize

Any honest reporter will tell you that all stories have a slant. It's not that reporters try to mislead, it's just that in choosing what to cover, some things are always left out or minimized in order to create a perspective. And that's OK. Likewise, in our own stories of loss or pain, deciding what to highlight can bring about the difference between lingering bitterness and a sense of closure.

Seek the Higher Purpose

There is a core spiritual principle that our lives are divinely designed for each one of us to get exactly what we need to support our own soul's unique evolutionary process. As the Baal Shem Tov taught, "You are exactly where you need to be", which implies that we should not get too caught up in our internal struggles against what is, or what was, which will only lead to more pain and suffering. According to this spiritual belief, nothing in our world occurs by accident and there are no coincidences, only synchronicity. When reframing our life stories, attempt to see the "Hand of G-d" or the pattern of events that have led us to this moment. These patterns of connectedness or synchronicity are the magical language of the Divine in our lives. When rewriting our stories, seek to see beyond the circumstances and instead at the Divine Order of the unique paths that have chosen us.

As for the Life Story that still plays itself out today:

Work on the 20 Percent

While it is not commonly known, according to the Midrash, when Moses left Egypt, only 20 percent of the nation of Israel left with him. The other 80 percent remained behind, and did not succeed in taking the risk of leaving an imprisonment that was all too familiar to them. An interesting correlation is found in the meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous and other recovery groups where the statistic is the same. It is known that only 20 percent of those in recovery will remain sober, the other 80 percent will inevitably relapse into old behavior as statistics have shown, because the life of addiction, no matter how painful and dark, is at least familiar.

Consequently, when we say we want to change our life stories, the important thing to remember is not whether we feel 100 percent confident and ready. The more realistic question to ask ourselves today is whether we still have a least 20 percent of ourselves that is strong enough to take the steps, and if we can agree to work on that 20 percent that is committed and willing. Passover asks us to at least look for that part, to find that part, and to work on that part, for it is there that we might find the secret of finding the life we want and deserve to live.

May this Passover be for all of us, the benchmark in time when we begin retelling our stories, but perhaps this time, in a slightly different way. May G-d release us this Passover from our pasts that we may be delivered to our future.

New Beginnings,

Rabbi Michael Ozair

Practical Exercise:

Write out three stories from any period of your life (no more than a page each) of something you did well, some problem you solved, and tell (yourself) how you did it.

About The Author

Rabbi Michael Ezra is a spiritual life coach, counselor and consultant. He can be reached at coach@kabbalahcoach.com or by visiting his site at www.Kabbalahcoach.com.

chemdah@yahoo.com

---

7 Questions To Tap Into The Limitless Power Of Your Subconscious Mind

When you map out what you want, you let go of the trivial tasks that clutter up your thoughts. When you focus on achieving a definite major purpose, your life will assume an... Read More

Requirements for Successful Goal Setting and Achievement

Benefits of Goal SettingGoal setting helps us determine our priorities, get organized, make big decisions, and realize our dreams. The act of merely setting a goal brings about positive change for many people.... Read More

Motivation and Setting Your Goals

Easy Steps for Goal SettingGoal setting is the true secret to success in any area of life. Setting your goals may seem simple, achieving them usually is another question altogether. Why is that?Because... Read More

Exploring Beneath The Surface

Unwanted feelings and thoughts are rich territory to dive beneath the surface for fresh insights that open the heart. Imagine for a moment that you are floating along on the ocean of feelings... Read More

How to Turn New Years Resolutions into New Year?s Results

Are you ready to learn how to finally turn your New Year's resolutions into New Year's results? The key word here is "new", because you want to create "new" results. You must analyze... Read More

A New Conversation About Dreams - The Power of Intention

It's time to change the way we think and speak about our dreams. Transforming a conversation, just like manifesting a dream, begins by setting an intention. Your intentions will assist you in taking... Read More

Why You Must Stop Setting Goals

My goal in life is to have no goals. They get in the way of true progress.Plenty of successful people swear by goal setting. They're praising the wrong behavior. Brain research tells us... Read More

Great Things Materialize Once We Start to Visualize

Watching the Olympics last week really amazed me. The feats of strength were fantastic, and the drama of the events themselves was captivating. But what really made the biggest impact was being reminded... Read More

S.M.A.R.T. Goals

(excerpted from the Jim Rohn One-Year Success Plan)Jim Rohn's Second Pillar of Success: Goal-Setting, Part Three - S.M.A.R.T. GoalsHi, Jim Rohn here. As you know, we are focused on the Second Pillar of... Read More

Goal Setting: Stop Failing and Start Finishing

While the idea of goal setting is not a new concept, we do see an ever-increasing number of people becoming more and more frustrated with setting a worthwhile goal. The frustration, it appears,... Read More

10 Keys To Personal Goal Setting

Does personal goal setting work? Many people want things, situations or accomplishments, call these goals, and then are disappointed when they don't get them. Call desires goals if you want, but just naming... Read More

Struggling to Make a Decision?

Every great success story begins when a person makes a decision to do something or not to do something. They make a clear decision to make a significant change.Amidst all the opportunity in... Read More

Fear Factor

Is it possible for an individual to pass a course of instruction with high marks and remain ineffective?Is it possible that this person never actually learned anything, but merely gathered enough information and... Read More

Do you Have the Burning Desire to Lose Weight or Reach any Goal?

NOTE: This article is one of the component parts of the 9-step WTA3 program contained in the ebook titled "The Action Path -Your Key to Success!" due out in 2005 at ... Read More

Share Your True Colors

Don't you just love the leaves changing colors in the fall? Here in the Midwest we are almost at the peak of leaf peeping season. The trees are showing their true colors ?... Read More

When You See Money as a Tool in Your Goal Setting Process, You Will Lead a More Balanced Life

Where Does Money Fit In the Goal Setting Process?Some view money as the most important tool in goal setting. Others consider making money as their primary goal, in spite of everything else. When... Read More

Why Do Many Smart, Motivated People Never Achieve Their Goals?

In his multimedia "Unleash Your Greatness Success System" Mike Litman gives his audience a virtual "kick in the butt" - albeit nicely. In this program he pushes hard to get the reader past... Read More

Clarity and Self Improvement ? Why We Must Know What We Want

One of the biggest reasons that many people have trouble with self improvement and building a successful and happy life is that they have no idea what they actually want.If asked what they... Read More

Achieve Your Desires By Scoring Goals

Do you have a desire? Silly question I know because everybody has desires, just not the same ones. Of course there are many that most of us share like those old clich?s of... Read More

A Fundraising Road Trip: Planning & Achieving Your Goals

Do you ever daydream about going on a great vacation? It's fun to think of all of the great sights and things to do once you get to the destination. But usually there's... Read More

Personal Development - The Plan

(excerpted from the Jim Rohn One-Year Success Plan - Week Two)Hi, Jim Rohn here and welcome to Week Two. Again, what an exciting opportunity to be able to take this next step together... Read More

Hearing and Seeing Your Destiny

As a child, I read an autobiography of Annie Sullivan. She was the woman who brought Helen Keller out of her dark and silent world and into a place of understanding few of... Read More

Do Not Let Anyone Dissuade You From Reaching Your Goals!

Years back when I was formulating my plans for life, I heard the statement, "Reach for nothing and you will be certain to get it." Admittedly, my goals during my youth were rather... Read More

Top 15 Goals Quotations

Examine your own personal goals and find methods to achieve your desires with these valuable quotations about setting goals..."The most important thing about having goals is having one."-- Geoffrey F. Abert"It takes a... Read More

Is it Focus or Tunnel Vision?

To achieve success you must narrow your vision on your plan. The question you should consider, is it focus or tunnel vision?The former refers to bringing into focus, to adjust the focus of... Read More

Are You Willing To Risk It?

What would your life be like if you kept doing everything the same way? If you stood still for the next 10 or 20 years and didn't make progress with anything? If you... Read More

Goal Setting and Goal Getting: What Would You Like to Accomplish in 100 Days?

Here's a question for you:What would you like to have accomplished 100 days from now?Why 100 days from now?Well, why not? Besides, 100 is a nice round number.You might think, ``That's not enough... Read More

Magic of Goal Manifestation

What goals do you have for your life? If you have goals, is it just in your head? Or do you have a methodology to manifest them?A systematic process to think of anything... Read More

Go Beyond Goals And Achieve Your Dream!

As important as goal setting is, goals alone do not ensure that you will achieve the success you desire. A written goal is not some kind of magic talisman whereby whatever you set... Read More