Men and Grief

Men grieve differently from women. Our cultural roles make it difficult for men to look for support, and harder again to accept it. Men are so often silent, solitary mourners who immerse themselves in activity and private, symbolic rituals. They feel profoundly, but often can't express the depth of their loss.A man is supposed to be "strong," to support, to cope, and to plan in the aftermath of loss. His own pain must be put away.Grief doesn't discriminate between gender or culture. Our society has placed clear expectations and requirements upon our roles as men and women. Boys learn quickly what behaviour is considered inappropriate through such statements as, "Stand up and take it like a man." "You're the man of the house," and the insidiously cruel "Big boys don't cry."Male grief tends to have four main characteristics.1. Moderated feelings Men have deep feelings but don't express openly, a more readily available feeling is anger. Men deal with their real feelings by... Read More

Understanding Grief and Loss in Times of War and Disaster

There are many different kinds of losses we can experience in our lives. Indeed, loss in human beings has its beginnings in the birth process that separates the infant from the comfort and security of the mother's womb into a world where survival is conditional and predicated on individual responsibility. The presumable final loss is the end of the human life cycle caused by death. There are many losses in between those polarities that relate to the developmental and aging process in each life. All of these losses are expectable losses and our bereavement and mourning of these losses are colored by their expectabilityLosses can be understood and processed more effectively when they are placed in a meaningful theoretical framework. Here are some examples:1. Normal (expected) losses versus abnormal (unexpected) losses.2. Universal losses versus special losses.3. Chronic losses versus acute losses.4. Mild losses versus severe losses.5. Replaceable losses versus irreplaceable losses.Unexpected losses, by definition cannot be anticipated or prepared for, and therefore impact... Read More

Sympathy Flowers

Sending a floral tribute is a very appropriate way of expressing sympathy to a family who has experienced the loss of a loved one. Flowers express a feeling of life and beauty and offer much comfort to the family. A floral tribute can either be sent to a funeral service or to the family's residence. Here are some suggestions to assist you in sending sympathy flowers.Funeral Basket- Appropriate to send to a funeral or memorial service. Pricing will vary depending on the type and quantity of flowers. Ask your florist for details and availability of specific flowers.Funeral Spray- This is a large arrangement designed in floral foam and attached to an easel. It is appropriate to send to a funeral service. Sometimes they are transported to the gravesite. Try to order a spray at least a couple days before the service, as it takes time to create this large arrangement. An alternative to this artistic style is to have your florist use a... Read More

Cultivate a Friendship with Death

Why We Fear Death"Men fear death as children fear to go in the dark." - BaconThere may be a thousand reasons why we fear death, but most of all we fear death because we fear the unknown, and death is an unknown entity to most people. We fear that dying may be painful and we do not know what will happen to us at the point of death.Some people fear death because they imagine the dying process to be very painful. Death is not painful. In fact, death is often very peaceful and silent even for those suffering from cancers or other terminal illness.When the physical body is deteriorating day by day from a terminal illness, and pain arises from superficial wound such as bed sores, or deep pain such as bone or nerve pain, death may even be a welcome relief for the sufferer.We need to distinguish the pain of the physical body from the process of dying. The dying process is... Read More

Terminal Illness- Death and Grief

No one likes to think about illness and death, when we are well, we feel invincible and there is nothing that can prepare us for the shock and devastation of a terminal diagnosis. The knowledge that we can no longer take our lives or the lives we share with our loved ones for granted takes away our ability to plan for the future and removes hope from our lives. When a loved one becomes terminally ill, we grieve in anticipation of their death, we grieve for the loss of them in our lives and we grieve for our own mortality.No one is immune to grief. There are those amongst us today, who have grieved deeply in the past, there are those who are grieving deeply now and sadly, all of us will grieve at some time in the future. It is inevitable that if we love deeply, we will also grieve deeply, but few of us would deny ourselves the gift of love... Read More

One Womans Way of Dealing With Grief

All of us at one time or another have felt grief: perhaps over a lost job, lost love, or the most heartbreaking, the death of someone we loved dearly. Each of us goes about the task of grieving in our own distinct way.When we lose a loved one the grief path is long and complicated. We feel so many different emotions, sadness, abandonment, anger; it seems we will never be normal again.When I lost my son and my husband within the same year, I was devastated. My son died in April of that year and my husband and I had him cremated. We worried about what to do with the cremains.One night as I pondered what had made my son happy in life, I remembered his love of Mickey Mouse. Even as an adult, he had loved Mickey. I knew what to do with his ashes then. I bought a plush Mickey Mouse doll and I put his ashes inside. I kept the... Read More

How To Write A Eulogy

Remembering someone special in a personal way can be healing for everyone concerned, for a eulogy is a deeply personal way of saying goodbye. The key word is life, and you've been given the opportunity to celebrate a loved one's life in the individual way that made your friend unique. Don't be daunted by the task, just take these simple steps for a sincere and moving last farewell.To prepare a eulogy, you will need to be well prepared. The eulogy should convey your feelings and your experiences and should be written in an informal, conversational tone. It's not for summarising the person's life and it doesn't have to speak for all present. Just sit down and write from your heart. So, where do you start?1. Get your materialFirst, collect some biographical facts : age, working life, marriage dates, places lived, children, and so on. Ask the family, they will welcome the chance to talk about their loved one. Then collect personal facts :... Read More

Moving Beyond Grief and Loss

In my work as a coach and therapist, I have seen many clients dealing with losses of all kinds-loss of loved ones through death and divorce, for instance. These experiences are difficult for everyone.Stages of Recovery from LossThere are some predictable stages that most people pass through after losing something or someone important. In her work on death and dying, Elisabeth K?bler-Ross outlined five stages of grieving.Shock and Denial: The first reaction to loss is often the inability to feel anything. This may include feeling numb, weak, overwhelmed, anxious, not yourself, or withdrawn.Anger: Blaming yourself or others for the loss.Bargaining: "If you'll just let him live, I'll promise to go to church every Sunday for the rest of my life."Depression: Feeling deep sadness, disturbed sleep and eating patterns, thoughts of suicide, excessive crying.Acceptance: Beginning to look for the lessons of the experience.K?bler-Ross said that the grieving process involves experiencing all five stages, although not always in this order. She also said that people... Read More

How to Cope with Anticipatory Grief

Anticipatory grief is the name given to the mix of emotions experienced when we are living in expectation of loss and grieving because of it. Anticipatory Grief is particularly relevant to those who have received a terminal diagnosis and for those who love and care for them.Terminal diagnosis changes the very structure of our existence, takes away our control and our ability to hope and plan for the future. When someone we love is given a terminal illness, we become painfully aware of the fragility of life and may even fear for our own mortality.Living in expectation of death, causes us to experience many of the symptoms and emotions of the grief suffered when a loved one has actually died, including; shock, anger, denial, physical and emotional pain, helplessness and sorrow. Depression is common and changes in eating, sleeping and bowel habits may also occur.Prognosis increases our turmoil; it is inevitable that we begin counting down the days to the estimated time of... Read More

How to Turn Grief into Joy

I was with my daddy when he died. Excuse me, I was with my daddy when his spirit left his body. I drove him to the emergency room because he was having chest pains. He said that they weren't too bad, and his color was good. He was still walking.In fact, Daddy walked into the cubicle in the ER and hopped up on the gurney. Almost as quickly, he hopped off saying, "Whew, doggie! Feels like somebody's got a knife in my back, right between my shoulder blades." Daddy said it with a great big grin on his face. That's just the way my Daddy was.A few minutes later his aorta ruptured spilling his lifeblood into his chest cavity. His lips quivered briefly as he said, "I'll see you in a little while."The moment his spirit was free from his body, an ethereal serenity bathed the room and flowed out into the bustling hallway. The emergency department took on a surreal silence, as... Read More

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Anticipatory Grief and Ongoing Sadness for Caregivers

In 1969, Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross published her famous book; On Death and Dying and later went on to launch the Hospice movement in America. Even though her studies focused more on those who... Read More

You Have to Show Up: On Small Miracles (Okay, maybe not so small)

I hadn't intended to go to my cousin's funeral.That sounds terrible, I know. And if I had chosen to focus on the 18 year estrangement of various factions of my family from each... Read More

Tenderizing

Recently, the magazine I own and edit got a hate letter that was so full of venom and hostility, it gave me shivers. The ultra-religious lady who wrote it is young and passionate... Read More

In the Blink of an Eye

Today's Quote: "My house is burned down, but I can see the sky." Sally Reed, cancer survivorThirty five years ago this weekend, my father died. Killed when the Mack Truck Lear jet he... Read More

Lessons We Learned From Terri Schiavo

Let's talk about Terry Schiavo, since her death illustrated for me many aspects of grief and hope. Who among us was not moved by the drama of her last days? I know I... Read More

Sympathy Messages

The loss of a loved one. It is often difficult to find the right words to express your sympathy to someone during this time of sorrow. A floral tribute and supportive message can... Read More

How to Deal with Suffering

Reflect upon the following questions, and answer those you feel might be most important for those who are most concerned about this topic.QUESTIONNAIRE ON HOW TO COPE WITH SUFFERING1- If there is a... Read More

When Sorrow Is Too Great to Be Borne Alone, Support Groups Reach Out

Not long after Arlyn died, my husband and I decided to attend a support group program run by the local Hospice organization. We felt lost, afraid, and alone, and we desperately needed to... Read More

The Truth About Emotional Intelligence

There is so much emphasis on emotional intelligence these days that it appears that people are suppressing their emotions and problems in an effort to "fit in," to keep their jobs, and using... Read More

Physiological Consequences of Carrying Emotional Trauma

Although many of us carry some form of emotional trauma in our bodies, and therefore in our energy fields, do we ever really stop to question the impact that it is having on... Read More

Good Grief!

If tears are an indication of how special my relationship with my mother was, I cry with pride! I've come to see grief as pain with a purpose. Interestingly enough, as I cared... Read More

We are the Reflection of our Lives: How to Survive Loss & Humility

Everyday, I look in the mirror to see the face staring back at me. Sometimes it is lined with stress, sorrow and grief. Other times, it simply smiles in humbled reservation. But the... Read More

Suicide in the Church Part 1

Recently, several suicides have occurred right here in my own hometown of about 16,000 people. The latest of these involved a friend of mine who was, among other things, the leader of a... Read More

How To Heal Your Heart

We all experience severe heart break at some time in our lives. For many it happens in childhood or adolescence, the time when we are most vulnerable. A cold mother, an absent father,... Read More

Dying On the Inside: A Childs Grief

The impatient tooting of a car horn startled us into awareness. No one had thought beyond making it through the grievous night. Now the sun was up, and it took a moment to... Read More

Men and Grief

Men grieve differently from women. Our cultural roles make it difficult for men to look for support, and harder again to accept it. Men are so often silent, solitary mourners who immerse themselves... Read More

Sympathy Flowers

Sending a floral tribute is a very appropriate way of expressing sympathy to a family who has experienced the loss of a loved one. Flowers express a feeling of life and beauty and... Read More

Coping With A Funeral

When the death of a loved one occurs, regardless or whether it was expected or not, you will find yourself having to deal with a great number of people. Some you will know... Read More

Moving Beyond Grief and Loss

In my work as a coach and therapist, I have seen many clients dealing with losses of all kinds-loss of loved ones through death and divorce, for instance. These experiences are difficult for... Read More

How to Cope with Anticipatory Grief

Anticipatory grief is the name given to the mix of emotions experienced when we are living in expectation of loss and grieving because of it. Anticipatory Grief is particularly relevant to those who... Read More

Whens Sarah Coming Home? Helping Your Child Understand Death

For most children, their first experience with grief comes with the death of a beloved family pet. When Zoe the eight-week old puppy dies of parvovirus or Tweety the budgie stops singing his... Read More

A Critical Assessment of Euthanasia

The question of whether, say, a man should have the right to take away his life granted pain and suffering have overcome him is a very important question today. A different way of... Read More

Then and Now

Over one hundred years ago, during the Victorian era, death and grief were popular subjects for poems, songs and stories. Grieving was considered a natural and acceptable part of the culture. People in... Read More

Dying at Home ? A Precious Gift

Few of us care to think about the inevitability of our own demise. We except that we are not immortal, however for the most part, we are successful in putting thoughts of our... Read More

The Valley of Sorrow or My Life as a Well Digger

It felt like I had been run over by a freight train. I was stunned. I was in shock. I was crying hysterically. But it was really just a phone call. My dad... Read More

Adapting to the Loss of a Loved One: Three Tips on how to Cope

Have you ever sat down and played a piano where one of the keys wasn't working? Or made cookies and left out an ingredient? Perhaps you've started listening to a favorite CD, and... Read More

Scared to Death of Dying and Denying Grief

When I invited Martha to the gathering at my house, she accepted the invitation cheerfully. Martha was new to the area and so I thought this small potluck I was hosting would be... Read More

Graceful Grief: Angelic Help is on the Way!

I believe that major change and loss in our lives is a door to grow ourselves, to become more loving, compassionate and accepting towards others and ourselves. We have choices that determine what... Read More

One Stray Tear

The delight lit my face as the couple turned the corner into the hallway where we stood in lively conversation. I threw my arms open wide, ignored the cell phones plastered to their... Read More