Wanted: Treadmill for an Elephant

Maggie, the 22 year-old African elephant, has been a resident of the Alaska Zoo since 1983. The Zoo recently decided that Maggie needs nicer quarters, more attention, and a treadmill. She weighs 9,100 pounds and does not get enough exercise, especially during the long Alaskan winter months.

Alaska Zoo officials debated this past year about whether to keep Maggie. She has been the only elephant in the zoo since 1997 when her companion of 14 years, Annabelle, died. Some experts believe that in order to be healthy and happy a zoo elephant should be part of a small herd of 3 or more.

The Zoo's elephant committee decided that the risks of moving Maggie out of state and of totally changing her life were too great. Besides, she seems happy here and she has a familiar "herd" in Alaska already. Numerous Zoo officials, animal handlers and exercisers, and familiar frequent visitors spend many hours a day with her.

In order to increase Maggie's comfort and health, zoo officials decided to give Maggie's living quarters softer flooring and better ventilation. Zoo staff will also increase the number of hours that they spend with Maggie from 8 hours daily to 12 to 16 hours daily.

Finally, the Zoo will help Maggie get more year-round exercise and lose weight. They will purchase an elephant-sized treadmill. However, nobody has ever designed or built an elephant treadmill. Designs are being developed now, but if you have any good ideas bring them forward.

Then stand in line behind me to watch Maggie work out on her new treadmill.

Can you imagine the elephant-sized headphones and iPod that she'll need?

*****************************

Garry Gamber is a public school teacher and entrepreneur. He writes articles about real estate, health and nutrition, and internet dating services. He is the owner of http://www.Anchorage-Homes.com and http://www.TheDatingAdvisor.com.

---

Funny Things We Dream

I often wonder why I wake up so happy, ready to start the day. When I was younger I'd whack the alarm clock, for the fourth time, grumble out of bed and stomp... Read More

Humor Under The Keyboards

For me, the piano is the symbol of what is stiff, proper and elegant. It doesn't have faults, it is perfect. Pianists are the most perfectionist people in the world. They should not... Read More

3 Surefire Ways To Combat Rising Gas Prices

I have heard the rumblings of many of you in Readerland about the recent spike in gasoline prices. In fact it's all I seem to hear about lately. But at least it keeps... Read More

Voodoo Munchies

Looking for a lighthearted and fun way to remove the negative energy of a certain disruptive person from your life, or from your mind, if the person in question has moved on? Consider... Read More

The Worlds First Comedian?

If you ever saw Aristophanes live on stage, you must be sincerely old. That's because he appeared around 400 B.C., and back then the videos were pretty bad.This amazing Greek dramatist knew how... Read More

The Zapp Principle

My dad's lab was a mess, but then it was always a mess. This time it was a lightly charred mess, covered with extinguisher gloop. Abdul the camel seemed happy enough though, despite... Read More

Beyond Black and White

Over visiting a neighbor the other day?"Would you like a cup of coffee?" he asks. "I just roasted the latest batch.""Yes. Coffee sounds great.""How do you take it?" he asks as he grinds... Read More

The Army Corp of Engineers Having Issues Fixing Breach

The Army Corp of engineers is having a tough time filling in the breaches in the levees. They have tried to use giant sand bags to drop into the hole. Three-Thousand pound bags... Read More

Poor Rixs Almanac 8-27-05

Hey, Poor Rix: What do you think about school food? ? Former StudentPoor Rix ate lunch at a school last week, and really liked it. Who knew they could make a dessert out... Read More

Tales of a Spectator Spectator

Watching the fans at a minor-league baseball game is just as fun as watching the players. From the silent statues to the loud cartoon caricatures, from the self- contained families and social groups... Read More

25 Reasons You Might Need to Wear a Welding Helmet

A welding helmet is a safety device worn for protection while one is welding; however, there are definitely many other uses for a welding helmet. A welding helmet is a very practical that... Read More

Marines Dont Take Crap

We live in a world of widgets. People manufacture, distribute, and sell them. You name it, they're doing it. I have a friend who... Read More

Important Safety Tip$

I was given a list of Do's and Don'ts of interacting with people who have dementia. I've modified this list only slightly to guide you in safely interacting with corporate executives.Do--Hold their hand.... Read More

And the World Goes Round

If you are a citizen of UK or Australia, you are permitted to snicker at this problem. Anchorage, Alaska, just opened its first two roundabouts at a major intersection.Not a big deal if... Read More

The Spare Parts Gremlins

Don't you just love getting a little something extra? Sure you do. Everybody does. That's why Online marketers throw in 36 bonus ebooks with that little software item they are peddling.But a little... Read More

Norm Goldman Interviews Comedienne Fran Capo,the Guinness Book Worlds Record for the Fastest Talking

Today, Norm Goldman, Editor of Sketchandtravel & Bookpleasures is delighted to have as a guest, Fran Capo.Fran is quite a "cool person," as she is an eight-time author, humorist, voiceover artist, comedienne, adventurer,... Read More

When It Rains, It Pours: Creating a Plan

It's time for me to announce that I have a lot of skeletons in my closet. I keep them there to stop people from stealing my jackets. Some of the skeletons actually wear... Read More

Military Wives

I feel now is the perfect time to address the conflict service-members face when balancing between what they feel are infringements upon their civil... Read More

Fried Green Tomatoes Recipe

My next-door neighbors found a human bone in their backyard. Let me rephrase. She thinks she found a human bone. They were putting up a fence in their backyard. They've been digging and... Read More

He Had It Coming, Your Honor

This past week as Mr. Man and I lounged around our sprawling estate, I realized that my life is just way too laid back. What with our perfect children, our incredible level of... Read More

If, An Online Marketers Internet Addiction Poem, Can You Relate to This?

IF, An Online Internet Marketing PoemIf before you have turned on the coffee, or got your kids fed, If you are the last one dressed and ready to leave the house, While others... Read More

Finding Lost Children

A couple of days ago I had to go to a dealership to get my car fixed. I am not implying that I don't want my car to have children, because who am... Read More

Valet Parking: Theft with Consent

This column is long overdue. To put it in library terms, which I guess I already did (but I'd like to elaborate), this column is like checking out a book in 1998 but... Read More

Cant Get There From Here

Can't Get There From Here Juneau is the capital of Alaska, but did you know that you cannot drive... Read More

Internet is My True Agent

You know the type -- that doodling type. Every time there is a pen and paper on the table, they will be sketching something down, with a mysterious smile, giggling quietly and making... Read More

Psychiatric Psychiatrist - A Joke on Psychiatry

A few weeks ago I went to see a psychiatrist.We talked about how I was feeling. I really wanted to hit him in the face when he asked that. I didn?t do that.... Read More

The Top 10 All Time Worst Jokes About Piano Players

Here, for your barfing pleasure, are the top ten worst jokes of all time about piano players. Nothing personal, you understand, since I am one. But a little comic relief laughing at ourselves... Read More

Short Story: Take a Trip To The Temple Of The Great Tomato

Jimmy Jenkins Jr. is not an adventurer, traveler, or pioneer. Far from it, Jimmy has had the same job, in the same office for 15 years. He's got about 2 years of holiday... Read More

Dog Poo - And You Thought You Had Problems

In Southern Germany in a town by the name of Bayreuth, the German police are in a quandary. The town's dog poo is under attack. Park officials are desperate to resolve what could... Read More