False Prophets

Direct Answers - Column for the week of May 12, 2003

Of all the relationship advice columns, I like and respect yours most because you never encourage using manipulation or "tricks" in relationships.

I recently turned 30 and am considered an attractive woman. My life has never been easy, but I put it all behind me and tried to make the best out of my assets. I moved to the States, put myself through college, graduated with honors, and work hard to support myself.

The only problem is I have no love in my life. The men I date act like I am the best thing to happen to them, in the beginning that is. Inevitably it turns out they do not want a serious relationship, leaving me with a broken heart and crushed hopes. If I am really that wonderful, why is this happening to me?

I have dated men of various ages, professions, and physical appearance. The only thing they have in common is a dread of settling down with one person forever.

I live in New York, perhaps the most "commitment phobic" city in the world. Whenever I travel to other states, people say, "You're such a beautiful girl. Not married yet?" It's flattering, but I cringe to hear that question. It makes me feel like the biggest loser.

I've tried almost everything. Recently I read in one of the relationship books the best way to attract the right partner is make a list of all the qualities we would like them to possess and meditate upon it. Inevitably the right mate will be drawn to us. Call me skeptical, but this sounds like ordering custom furniture, not meeting a mate.

Can such lists really work? Please help me. I am too young to live without love the rest of my life.

Eldora

Eldora, oh, if it was only that simple. Make a list of what you want--a man, money, or a trim waist--and meditate. If that worked, we'd all be married, we'd all be rich, and we'd all be thin. If that book worked, it would be the hottest selling book ever.

Authors of relationship books say you can plan and plot this out because that is what people want to hear. But it is not within their power to make happen. No one has a crystal ball to tell you when the great moments of your life will occur. Love comes when it comes, not when you decide it should come.

Love is a word which is often misused. It can be used to gain undeserved intimacy. There is something to be said for waiting, because those who are not serious are not likely to be patient. As you have already painfully discovered, you cannot turn a man who is not serious into one who is no matter how much he says he likes or loves you.

It doesn't take long to realize a shoe doesn't fit, and almost all men give indicators they are, or are not, of a mindset for a wife. The sooner you learn a man is not of your mindset, the less likely you are to be hurt. If a man says he isn't looking for marriage, shake his hand, say goodnight, and tell him he is not what you are looking for.

The one thing we can tell you is to live the kind of life which is in you, that you deserve, that you have a passion for. Because that is the only thing which is under your control.

Put yourself in the way of love and marriage. That means not being involved with anyone who does not want marriage, acknowledging in your heart you want to be married, and not being afraid to say it. The man who truly loves you will want to make you his own.

The best thing you can do is be out there living a good life.

Wayne & Tamara

About The Author

Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.

Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.

---

Experiences in My Life Prompted Me to Never Give Up

Many people think that their life is a disaster that for some reason they cannot go on, they allow depression to creep in and continually give themselves negative bio-feedback. But you can over... Read More

Keeping Faith

Direct Answers - Column for the week of June 30, 2003Please bear with me. I desperately need advice. I dated this girl for a year, and we broke up many times because of... Read More

What is the Meaning of Life?

A young man in search of enlightenment had traveled to Tibet at great expense and more than a little consternation amongst his family and friends. It was a week before he was allowed... Read More

Your Support Network

Quick. Who's in your support network? Huh? What's a support network? Do I have a support network? Honey, who's in my support network?Your support network is that group of people you can go... Read More

Using Failure to Further Your Future

"You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it." Margaret ThatcherFailure. Even the word sounds bad, doesn't it? That is because since the time we were just young children... Read More

Turning 40

Most of us, at one point or another, take a moment to evaluate our lives and the paths that we have chosen to take. We each do it at different times and with... Read More

Top 20 Love Quotations

"In real love you want the other person's good. In romantic love, you want the other person." -- Margaret Anderson"Love is a force more formidable than any other. It is invisible -- it... Read More

Universal Thought System Language Keywords

Before we are able to use the Universal Thought System in a positive expansive manner, we must learn to use certain words in our language more effectively. The prime characteristic of the Universal... Read More

When Self-Growth becomes Self-Sabotage

Many of us invest quality time and energy into our personal development. We buy inspiring books, sometimes with the workbooks or journals that complement them. We discuss psychology with our friends ? or... Read More

Message From An Angel - Is It Yours ?

This is a message from an Angel. Can you relate? Is it yours?Golden light shining in the darkness. That is how the universe sees you.You give much from the heart and this does... Read More

Taking Life Head On

"We are built to conquer environment, solve problems, achieve goals and we find no real satisfaction or happiness in life without obstacles to conquer and goals to achieve." - Maxwell Maltz in Psycho-Cybernetics... Read More

Nurture Your Heart

Pregnant with her first child, Jill could barely contain her excitement over the dreams and hopes she cherished for her unborn baby, whom she had already named Mara (she was so sure it... Read More

You Are So Unreal

Mankind's ability to give life to lifeless objects, gives rise to much of the grief and frustration that he brings upon himself. He animates, or humanizes all sorts of things and other creatures,... Read More

The Art of Letting Go

It has been six months since I left the corporate world ? and there are some things I will always miss. Like saying good morning to colleagues on my way to the office... Read More

One Night Stand

Direct Answers - Column for the week of February 24, 2003I met someone over the weekend who is very, very famous. I was volunteering at a sports function and his sister was working... Read More

5 Tips To Add More Spice To Your Life

1. Once a week, visit somewhere you've never been before. A city, town or village, a museum, a theater, a restaurant, caf?, or bar, a park, a zoo, a wood or forest ?... Read More

Loving You

The difficulty in finding love that is good for you stems from the same difficulty you have loving yourself. For those who believe in God or a higher power, to not love yourself... Read More

Win Your Own Lotto

When people talk about enrichment, they are usually thinking of financial enrichment. (Show me the money!) But, we can enrich many other aspects of our lives too such as: spiritual, mental, physical, and... Read More

Discover The Magic Of Doing What You Love

Do what you love to do and give it your very best. Whether it's business or baseball, or the theater, or any field. If you don't love what you're doing and you can't... Read More

Where Did We Miss?

Talking with friends, people I meet on a regular basis, I realized that many of us make a bigger a deal of meditation than it actually is. For some people, meditation is somewhat... Read More

Bus Driver By Day, Online Business Success By Night

Janine Wachowski, a long-time resident of South Elgin, Illinois, drives a school bus and is also a Powerseller at eBay (user id: the_w.a.s_ezone). In one year, her gross monthly sales went from $328... Read More

Circles On The Water ? The Impact You Make On People?s Lives

When you were a child, or maybe even when you were older, did you ever toss a pebble into the water and watch the ripples that emanated from the point where it broke... Read More

What Forgiveness Is Not

Is a grudge-laden heart sabotaging your success in business and in life?Much has been written over the ages about the value of forgiveness. And yet so many people continue to resist the idea... Read More

Unconditional Love is Absolute Freedom to Screw Up Your Life

In my lifetime, I have never witnessed enduring unconditional love from another human being. I do not believe it is physically possible. I think that once we have reached that position of being... Read More

For Old Times Sake

Direct Answers - Column for the week of August 19, 2002I am currently going through a divorce, and we've been negotiating the terms of the settlement for a year and a half without... Read More

Head First

I stepped up to the edge and looked down. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath... and jumped in head first.The summer I turned 13 was spent at the swimming pool. We... Read More

Call To Action

Direct Answers - Column for the week of February 3, 2003I need some advice, please! I've been married to the same man for 11 years. He's a nice person when he's not drinking.... Read More

Make A Difference - Just Go Make A Difference!

Three Words That Can Help Us Live Exceptional LivesCertain words and word combinations carry with them varying levels of meaning for each of us.For instance, you may sense any number of reactions to... Read More

Lock In Your Legacy

You, my friend, are going to die.What? What kind of motivational tool is that? Real inspiring!In fact, it is. Our mortality may perhaps be the ultimate inspiration and motivation! If we lived on... Read More