Heavy Weather Guide

Direct Answers - Column for the week of April 26, 2004

My girlfriend and I are basically the same age, just a six month difference. When I went to buy the engagement ring in February, I felt certain she was the right one. She accepted my proposal by saying, "If we go slow?"

We've been doing that. We had the ring resized to fit her finger, and the wedding wasn't to be until Easter 2006. This morning she broke it off. We were happy and taking it slow, but for some reason it felt fast to her. Right from the start, her relatives pressured her to break up. She asked me questions, I answered honestly, and my answers were acceptable.

I want to get married and have my own happy family in the next five years. Preferably in the next two. This afternoon I even cried. What can or should I do? I know suicide's not the answer, but maybe it would make a difference to her and them. No, I don't want to do that, but like I said, I'm feeling sad today.

Michael

Michael, on a merchant ship the second mate is responsible for navigation. Traditionally, each morning the mate would rise, take a fix on the stars, and recompute a fresh course to the destination. This is necessary because the wind and sea push the ship off yesterday's course.

The mate can chart a course and ring up the speed, but the sea determines when the ship will arrive. There is no point fighting against the sea, or against life. Ordinarily when a person thinks of suicide, it is because they are holding to a fixed idea, and they cannot imagine life in any other way. But life is full of possibilities.

If your depression is serious, seek help. But your sadness seems based on rigid expectations. You have a schedule in your head, and you want life to conform to your schedule. In the next two years you want to find a woman who loves you, whom you love, who will marry you, and produce children. That sounds more like ordering a new car than love.

Out of great love for someone who loves you, come a family and happiness. Where is the great love for this woman in your letter? No, what we hear is the two year schedule. What we hear is the difference between this woman, and your plans for a woman.

Life, and people, cannot be bent to your will. Surrender your schedule and allow your life to unfold.

The traditional farewell of a mariner is wishing a friend fair winds and a following sea. But the truth is we learn more about ourselves and our ship in a storm than in calm waters.

Wayne & Tamara

Seesaw

I'm a single woman who is intelligent, kindhearted, and attractive. I recently ended a relationship with a man I'll call Jordan. Jordan slowly moved from wanting to spend every moment with me to "needing some space."

Jordan is bipolar and refuses to seek help, and my attempts to help left him better and me with an hour of sleep. Recently we enjoyed a great afternoon when he invited me to a party. Well, the last time we went to a party, I was basically "left by the punchbowl." When I gently expressed my concern, he screamed, "Get out!" Which I promptly did.

I realize I'm stupid to want anything but to move on, but for curiosity's sake, because it's driving me crazy, what on earth is his problem? We seem to want the same thing, each other, yet he's going back and forth faster than a swing.

Darlene

Darlene, you ask what on earth is his problem. To borrow a phrase from teenagers, "Duh?" He is an unmedicated, bipolar person.

As long as he won't address the problem of his mood swings, there is no place on the swing for you.

Tamara

About The Author

Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.

Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.

---

Love Thy Neighbor

I would like to take a moment to write about our neighbors. We all have them. They could live right next door to you or miles away. We all still have them. The... Read More

Directions For Life

Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully. Memorize your favorite poem. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want. When you say, "I... Read More

A Word Fitly Spoken ~ Acceptance

A WORD FITLY SPOKENA word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver. Proverbs 25:11I expect to pass through this world but once. Any good thing, therefore, that I can... Read More

Just Let ?Em Go!

I remember when I was just a little guy probably about 4 or 5 years old, I was fascinated by snakes. Not any particular type of snake ? just snakes in general. I... Read More

Worship and Football: Lets Take Another Look

At a recent seminar we were asked to imagine if some football commentators were giving advice to churches about how to increase their attendance. They might suggest the following: Charge people $5... Read More

Healing from Within

"We are responsible for everything in our lives, including how the chemistry in our bodies works or doesn't work." Wayne Dyer's words hit me like a bolt of lightening as I listened to... Read More

Five Reasons To Journal

Keeping a journal during the coaching process is one of the most simple and effective aids a client can use. Below you will find five reasons why I encourage my clients to use... Read More

Overcoming Fear of Terrorism

This week I did a radical thing. I bought a newspaper.I bought it to read about the events happening in London. I lived there for many years and have friends I love there.... Read More

Forcing Inspiration

Most people, when they have to complete a creative endeavour, often tend to wait for inspiration. It is not unusual to find, therefore, that most people take inordinately long to complete projects or... Read More

Giving It Your Best - The William Hung American Idol Success Story

Never underestimate the power that comes from following your passion. It never ceases to amaze me what can happen when we put action to work for us and go after the things that... Read More

Top Ten Ways to Retire Retirement

1. Retire the word "retirement" from your vocabulary. Look it up: it means to "withdraw" or "retreat." Words can shape reality, and it's time for this one to go. Doesn't "renaissance" or "graduation"... Read More

Dream Lover

Direct Answers - Column for the week of September 1, 2003I met my wife a dozen years ago and her best friend shortly thereafter. I was always fond of my wife's friend. We... Read More

Walking on a Path of Life

We set out walking along a route where one foot walks on a sidewalk that is slowly accenting to higher levels, whilst the other foot walks on the road. We will get to... Read More

How To Deal With Rejection

Rejection! Who hasn't experienced the horrible feeling of being rejected? Unfortunately we are often judged on what we do or say, which leads to either being accepted or rejected, valued or discarded.The feeling... Read More

Why Does it Take So Long to Slow Down

Why do we wait so long, before we start thinking about whom and what we are? Why does it take a lifetime of living and struggling before we begin a meaningful search for... Read More

The Information Age

Direct Answers - Column for the week of December 1, 2003My sister and I are very close, and we don't keep things from one another. Recently she shared with me concerns about her... Read More

Why My Wife Is My Hero

My name is Chas Brothers. Many of you know me as an author of motivational articles directed towards both big and small business alike. As writers, we draw upon our knowledge and experience... Read More

Lesson Learned

Direct Answers - Column for the week of December 9, 2002I was involved with a man separated from his wife. We connected on an extremely emotional level and were in the process of... Read More

Discovering The Art of Bending Your Mindset And Manifesting Your Multiple Intelligences

Discovering the Art of Bending Your Mindset and Manifesting your Multiple Intelligences in selling.Doctor's cant' sell Real Estate! What's your mindset? A number of people related this statement to me when I first... Read More

Financial Freedom Blues

Steps to Financial Freedom, roadmap to financial freedom, achieve financial freedom?Financial freedom seems to be the current buzzword in the world of self-improvement. This has spawned a new industry, and alongside it, some... Read More

Getting Unstuck

According to the Buddhists, between January 29 and February 12 is the worst time of the year. "Don't start anything new during this ending period," they advise. "It won't last." February, however, can... Read More

L.S. Macs Treasures

Such as my defeat overwhelmed me, so did my love for creating websites! I have four of my own presently. I use these as therapy, you can find your own hobby that keeps... Read More

Numbers

Direct Answers - Column for the week of May 19, 2003I'm currently in the classic older man and younger woman relationship. I'm 50 years old, Nancy is 30, and we are both divorced.... Read More

Go Where No Man Or Woman Has Gone Before

"It`s life Jim but not as we know it." -SpockIn Corrogue there is a starry, starry night.This evening the night sky is so very clear and full of stars. The Milky Way is... Read More

When Human Beings Take It To The Limit

In life we all have dreams and goals, aspirations to follow a certain path that will lead to social achievements and personal growth. We all hope to fulfill a destiny where we can... Read More

Second Thoughts? Think Again!

Life is perfect. If you have read these articles long enough, you have seen this written in several different forms and ways. There is even a series on it in one of my... Read More

The HUGE Deposit of Diamond in You

Something happened to me some years back that is worthy is sharing with everybody all over the world. When I started running my business, things were very tough for me to the point... Read More

Dont Ask Your Doctor

Perhaps I should ask my doctor if there is a drug to take to combat frustration from seeing so many drug ads. You know the ones I'm talking about. They always start out... Read More

Moment of Grace

The bedrock of the Christian faith is the good news about God's love. Christian teachings about who we are and about our relationship with our Lord and each other is rooted in the... Read More