How to Write a Love Letter

Let's talk about writing love letters.

Not candy coated pap. Not romance novel fantasy crap. Not "chick" stuff.

Real love letters.

Years ago I asked my first coach if he would write an endorsement for me. This is what Drew Rozell wrote:

"Laura is truth. Laura is love."

Whoa.

That was a lot for me to take in. I mean, substitute your own name up there and sit with it for a while. It's a lot to live up to.

So, I wasn't sure the world wanted truth and love. And I wasn't all that sure that I wanted to lay my heart out to you like that. So I splashed in those fun waves where no one has to worry about drowning, (like teaching folks how to write websites, identify their niche markets, brand their businesses, or organize their time, and get some balance in life...)

And then someone asked me a few months ago, if I could teach her to watch ants. (which, of course, planted the seed for this very blog.)

Not increase profits, or get more stuff, or be more famous or popular or powerful.

To watch ants.

And my heart started to perk up ... was this permission to go THERE?!

And then one of the dearest people I know lost her husband.

She is my age, 42. It is not for me to share her story here but I will tell you it was sudden.

It was a 4 a.m. knock at the door.

It was "No we can't let you look at him."

It makes me cry even as I type this.

So, I was sitting across from my own husband the other night. We haven't missed a dinner together in months now, no matter how late we work or how late we eat. We know a wake up call when we hear one.

We were sitting there and I shared how my friend was doing and he took a bite of his food. The food was excellent. The kind that makes you close your eyes and turns off every other sense. And then his eyes welled up and he talked about the tsunami and all those kids who have been devastated with losses of their parents. Scott works in pediatric rehab and they have had a rough year. Several deaths and stories that have become increasingly tragic.

And his tears were of gratitude and humility. That we are alive. That we have each other. That we could sit and have an amazing meal.

We don't deserve it. Let me go on record saying that I don't think anyone deserves a damn thing. I don't, you don't. I think the word "deserve" is one of the most destructive forces on the planet but this is not the place for me to go off on THAT little tangent.

In the middle of Scott's expressing his appreciation and his love for me I could feel he was SO present and I had this flash. For a moment I thought, "Oh my God, he's going to tell me he's dying." I was wrong. I didn't get any bad news. But, you know something? One day one of us, if we are lucky enough to have advance notice, will have to do just that. And we are going to have to figure out how to say good-bye.

Jack Kornfield, in one of my favorite books, A Path with Heart, shares a spiritual exercise in which we are to perceive everyone in the world as an Enlightened Being, a Buddha if you will. Yes,even the guy who cut you off in traffic, and your mother-in-law, your evil boss (oops, you ARE the evil boss? sorry)...everyone. And they all "get it" and we are the only ones who don't. Our job is to figure out what they are trying to teach us.

I've seen a whole lot of death around me the past few years.

And I know a lot more is coming.

Everyone who is dying is teaching me that loving someone means you get the whole package. When you marry someone, or develop a true friendship with someone you are agreeing to go the distance. THE distance.

As Paul Simon would say, in his most excellent CD on relationships, You're The One, "Ask somebody to love you, it takes a lot of nerve."

No kidding.

When we accept someone in to our hearts, regardless of the relationship, we aren't just saying, "Will you share my life with me?" We are saying, "Will you share my life with me and love me knowing full well that you will have to let me go one day? Can you go THE distance with me?"

And while I have been letting myself stand in the reality of this fact, I have been witnessing a lot that makes me want to grab people and shake them silly.

I see people looking for mates like it is some kind of a job interview. I heard someone express concern about marrying a woman, who he was afraid tended toward anorexia, because he wasn't sure she was always attractive enough, especially when she didn't wear make-up.

Before you blow a gasket, let me tell you this is someone that has a really good heart and that I like very much. I know where the pressures are coming from that led him to say this because he has suffered the same kinds of rejection himself. Rational or not, loving or not, I understand that he would be hesitant to make himself even more vulnerable to rejection by being with someone who isn't perfect. It makes all the sense in the world to me. It's fear. We all have fears and they make us do and say crazy things. And don't try to tell me you've been immune. I know better. It may show up in how we assess potential mates: What will others think if I am seen with this person? Are they attractive enough? Wealthy enough? Witty enough? Will they represent me well? Is this the perfect ornament for me?

It may show up in how we relate to ourselves.

I was at a Grand Opening of a boutique and several area business people were there. I overheard this exchange:

"What do I do? Well, I make women beautiful."

"Oh, you must be a plastic surgeon."

"Why, yes, I am."

And then I saw woman after woman asking if they need botox yet. No thought as to whether someone shooting botulism into you is a good thing. There was no "if" in that sense. The "if" was simply a question of timing. THIS is what we have to do to be beautiful?!?!?

Again, I see where this comes from. Look in any magazine or television show. Makes sense that everyone feels so insecure.

Can I just say something, though?

For the love of God, people! Snap out of it!!!

Seriously!

Get a grip on the fact that we are human. We get old. We die.

The question is, do you want to spend all your time and money trying to run from reality pretending that somehow you have been granted special immunity from the 4 a.m. knock at your door or hearing really bad news from a loved one or are you willing to wake up and face this square in the eye and NOT SHRINK BACK?

Like I said, I'm not going to get all touchy feely with you here. I have a picture of Samuel L. Jackson looking down on me. I used to have a lovely calligraphy that translated into "Calm". I took it down. I am not calm. I'm not mindlessly floating around in an illusion. I'm not here to stay comfortable and to preach a little "I'm okay, you're okay" at you.

Psst...Hey, Laura, I thought you said you were going to write love letters? Um...this doesn't seem that loving to me...I mean.."

Au contraire, my friend. I'm saying this precisely because I DO love. You see, once you look at someone through eyes that allow you to face their impermanence in your life...once you REALLY get this...you will get very clear very quickly on what being in love with someone really means. It's not about ornamentation and earning potential. It's about embracing the fundamental, essential humanity that is common to us. It's about showing up with no mask on. It is the scariest and most beautiful thing we can ever do.

I've given you much to absorb here so I'll leave you know to pour another cup of tea and maybe you might want to pick up a pen and a paper and just start with this sentence:

"I don't know how long I will get to be with you, so while I have you here there is something I want you to know about what it means to have you in my life..."

Laura Young is a personal development and business coach. She is a contributing author to A Guide to Getting It: Purpose and Passion and Become Your Own Great and Powerful: A Woman's Guide to Leading a Real, Big Life. She has recently been featured on By, For and About Women and Artists First Radio. To learn more about her, visit http://www.wellspringcoaching.com

To visit Laura's blog, visit http://antwatching.blogspot.com

---

Women Sufferings and Infidelity

Her dreams of marriage and collected marriage values disintegrate when she finds her husband/partner is sharing with others what was meant for her. The partner is her/his own property and dignity that she... Read More

A Wedding Theme Can Rescue Your Wedding from Being Another Ho-Hum-Boring Disaster

Are you a Bride-to-Be? Wonderful! Congratulations! But what's that enormous cloud hanging over you? Of course! It's that insurmountable task you're thinking about all the time: "How am I going to create a... Read More

The Most Important Things In Marriage

When it comes to marriage, there are things that you are responsible for doing that are so important to the marriage's success. But, we could list an endless list of these things. Instead,... Read More

Common Format Of A Wedding Reception

The following article can be copied but you must keep about the author section.Common format of a wedding reception:? Arrival of guests at hall ? Introduction of wedding party ? Introduction of bride... Read More

Choosing a Maui Wedding Photographer

You can rest assured that the charm of your Maui wedding will be captured in photos. This is because it is nearly impossible to photograph the island poorly.Any photographer who lives and works... Read More

It?s Never Too Early to Renew Your Wedding Vows

When you think about couples who renew their wedding vows, chances are you're not picturing anyone under the age of 50. But the truth is that it's never too early to renew your... Read More

3 Steps to Marrying the Right Person

Marrying for love, financial security and/or companionship does not guarantee long lasting happiness. While legitimate reasons for entering into a marriage, they can blind a person to the signs of a doomed relationship.Currently,... Read More

Marriage Advice: Twelve Steps to Creating an Affair-Proof Marriage

There's no way to absolutely guarantee that your marriage won't be blindsided by an affair on your part or your spouse's, but there are definite steps you can take to greatly reduce the... Read More

Wedding Flowers ? What Every Bride Should Know before Her Big Day

Whether your wedding will be coming up roses, daffodils, or something else, choosing the wrong flowers for that blissful day can create a scene you'll want to soon forget. But armed with a... Read More

2005 Mother Of Bride Dress

A 2005 mother of bride dress tends to have a different look and feel to it than did mother of the bride dresses in the past. That's because today's mother of the bride... Read More

For Second Weddings Only - Eight Tips

Planning a second wedding? Prevent favorite guests comparing your second wedding, to the first wedding. It isn't tricky but it will take some thought. Whether guests will or will not compare weddings is... Read More

Wife Smarter Than Husband?

Is it safe for a wife to be smarter than her husband?Of course! Men who cannot afford social ornaments sometimes want inferior wives. Why? Often because they harbor a great sense of inferiority.... Read More

Secrets of a Happy Marriage

My husband and I have a perfect marriage.There. I said it.Now some of you may be inclined to roll your eyes or gag. Some of you may think I'm exaggerating, lying or suffering... Read More

History of the Wedding Favor Box

The wedding favor box carries on the timeless tradition established by the early European upper classes, who provided elaborate gifts to party guests. Initially, the gifts were small fancy boxes known as a... Read More

Ditching a Wedding

John's cousin, Grace, is getting married in Liverpool, UK and he lives in Glasgow, UK. He does not really want to attend the wedding, weddings and such are just not his idea of... Read More

Fine Plus Size Mother Of The Bride Dresses

There are many choices available when shopping for fine plus size mother of the bride dresses. The styles and selections available in plus sizes are better than ever. There are many retailers who... Read More

Cookie Wedding Favors

Cookies as wedding favors, create an unique twist on the time honored tradition of providing small gifts to guests, as a token of appreciation from the bride and groom. Initially wedding favors were... Read More

Me Tarzan! You Jane!

Once upon a time a caveman, while out for a walk, came a across a young woman. Struck by her beauty he immediately tried to get her attention by violently thumping his chest,... Read More

Wedding Day Savings

A little strategizing can go a long way when trying to cut down on spending for the big day. Invitations, flowers, and music can cost a small fortune but by making some adjustments... Read More

What Is A Destination Wedding Favor?

Have you heard of destination wedding favors? I haven't either, so, I have taken it upon myself to pioneer this phrase. Destination weddings, destination wedding dresses, and now, "destination wedding favors". I like... Read More

Wedding Gifts for Second Marriages

Second marriages can be a tricky situation for a variety of reasons. There may be problems with step kids, ex spouses or even some religious stumbling blocks for the marriage taking place. However,... Read More

Should You Send Save the Date Notices To Your Guests?

You've probably heard about Save the Dates since they have become quite popular with brides but you might not know exactly what purpose they serve.People's lives are getting increasingly busier and more tightly... Read More

The Key to the Perfect Wedding

There are many answers to this question, it all depends on who you ask. We all dream about our perfect wedding but each of us may hold a different view of what makes... Read More

Ten Tips for Writing Your Perfect Wedding Vows

1. Start with a nice clean piece of paper (lavender is good, but any kind will work). Down the left side of the page, write the numbers 1-10. Now ? without stopping to... Read More

Wedding Planning: Prioritize to Stay Within Your Wedding Budget

So you're planning your wedding and a thousand decisions must be made! It can be an exciting, but tiring experience to pull off the wedding of your dreams, especially within your budget.The best... Read More

Writing Your Own Wedding Vows

Your wedding vows are the words that will forever remain in your partner's heart and memory. So you want to ensure that you express exactly what you are feeling and how much you... Read More

Planning Your Wedding Reception

Great deals can be found when you know how much money you are working with. It really doesn't matter how small your budget is for the reception because all budgets can be accommodated.Your... Read More

8 Questions Brides Ask About Setting up a Wedding Registry

In theory, setting up a registry is simple. You decide on one or several stores, create a registry online or in person, select various items, and get the word out to your guests.... Read More

Wedding Bouquets for Life

One of the most beautiful of the bride's adornments at a wedding is the bouquet. Normally constructed of fresh flowers, the wedding bouquet would last for a week or two, and then have... Read More