Dads, Handle your Kids Mistakes

One of the most difficult parts of being a father is learning to accept your children's mistakes. It certainly can be easy to be loving, supportive, and helpful when your children are mistake-free, but most fathers who are paying attention don't find too many mistake-free periods of their

children's lives.

Let's be clear about our kids and their mistakes. There aren't too many kids who get up in the morning, rub their hands together and say," I wonder how I can screw up today and really bother my dad!" Kids don't enjoy or want to make mistakes, it's just one of the ways that they learn about the world.

Kids usually try to do their best; but they're doing their best considering the resources they have at the time. Sometimes they're tired, sometimes they're easily distracted, and sometimes they're strong-willed, but they generally do the best they can. It's quite easy for us to unfairly judge them according to their best efforts in the past.

When our kids make mistakes, we have choices to make. Fathers can either make choices that help to create kids who are defensive and who lie to them ?or they can make choices that help to create kids who can learn from their mistakes and improve upon them.

Kids who fear punishment or the loss of love in response to their mistakes learn to hide their mistakes. These children live in two different places--one place where they have the love and support of their father (parents), and another where they feel that if their mistakes were discovered, they would be undeserving of that love. It's hard for these kids to fully accept their parents' love and support even when it is expressed. It's also difficult for these kids to set high standards for themselves, because they tend to be fearful of failing.

These are some ideas for fathers who are committed to helping create kids who can learn from their mistakes, and who are not afraid of making a few:

Absolutely accept the notion that your kids are doing their best, and that they'll learn faster about their mistakes if they are in an environment that accepts mistakes.

Understand that your difficulty with your kids' mistakes is in fact a reflection of your difficulty dealing with your own mistakes; be aware of this and deal with your own issues first.

Know the shaming messages that we can all give so easily to our kids--messages that can do a lot of damage to them and help them to feel unworthy. Here's a few of them:

- How could you have done that?

- You don't listen to me!

- You can do better than that!

- What's the matter with you?

Keep providing your kids with learning experiences, but at the same time structure their environment so they can't make too many mistakes (having expensive glassware around the house where children might break it is not their fault).

Provide a great model for your children by the way you react to making mistakes: do you get defensive and stretch the truth, or do you own the mistake and learn something from it? Create a culture that's based on learning from mistakes.

We only have one chance to show our kids the patience and discipline necessary to allow them to learn from the mistakes that we've all made. Your opportunity to improve just started now; give your kids the room that they need and deserve.

Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, coaches busy parents by phone to balance their life and improve their family relationships. For a FREE twenty minute sample session by phone; ebooks, courses, articles, and a FREE newsletter, go to http://www.markbrandenburg.com. or email him at mark@markbrandenburg.com.

---

Anorexia Nervosa Alert - is Your Daughter Dying To Be Thin?

Anorexia nervosa is a serious medical disorder that is statistically most prevalent in the adolescent teenage years of young women. It is estimated that 7% of the population suffers from eating disorders and... Read More

The Recipe For The Making Of A Self-Assured Child: One Part Communication, Two Parts Love

Each child carries a unique picture of the self, shaped in part by the influence of parents. Your child is not born with a self-image or self-assurance. Both traits are learned through experiences... Read More

Are You Meeting ALL Your Childs Basic Needs?

This may come as a surprise, but many parents are unaware ofthe full extent of their child's basic needs.Do you remember the old song by Lennon and McCartney aboutthe girl leaving home after... Read More

ADHD: A Dialogue With a Non-Believer, part two

Dear Sir, It was with some interest that I read the article What You Should Know About Attention Deficit Disorder by Edward W. after having it handed to me by a member of... Read More

Baby Name Meanings

Speaking as a Michael (a Hebrew name, meaning "Who is like God"), I'm really proud of my name. And I think that I ? mostly - live up to the title! Of course,... Read More

Send the Kids Outside!

Think back to your own childhood. Chances are, some of your fondest memories are of outdoor activities and places. Perhaps you had a favorite climbing tree or secret hiding place. Maybe you remember... Read More

How To Help Your Child Learn

Just as every snowflake is unique, so is every child. The way that your child learns depends a number of different factors, which combined together, create his unique learning style. By helping your... Read More

Develop Your Childs Genius - Developing Leadership Qualities

Often I have heard that leaders are born, not made. Do you think this is true? How many times did you read a biography of a great leader, and discovered that as a... Read More

5 Ways To Tell If A Preschooler Is Living In Your House

1. You reheated the same cup of coffee three times this morning.2. There is always one more person in your bed in the morning, than there was the night before.3. You can't imagine... Read More

Water Hazards For Young Children

Unfortunately each year many young children drown in swimming pools, other bodies of water, and standing water around the home area. Children must be watched by an adult at all times when in... Read More

Bless Your Child With The Name

What a dreamer I am when thinking about parenthood. Most of the time, I do this without knowing to whom my heart will belong and who will share that sacred responsibility. Even though,... Read More

Medications: Addressing Parental Fears and Concerns

Recently, a parent came to me, conflicted over whether to follow her pediatrician's recommendation of placing her young son on medication. His difficult behaviors had escalated in recent years and after trying behavioral... Read More

One Definition of Success

As parents, we want our children and teens to grow up and "be successful." But what "being successful" means depends on our definition of "success" in the first place. Obviously "success" means a... Read More

Three Tips to Get Children with Sleeping Problems Asleep

According to the American Sleep Association 70% of all babies and infants at one time or another suffer from sleeping difficulties. So if bed time is a difficult time for you and your... Read More

Parents Dealing with Worry and Fear

Dear Vijay,I worry about not being a good parent. My daughter Tracy is six and my son Michael is four. They seem happy. Our family does things together. It is just that with... Read More

Confident Kids : Why Some Parents Should Carry a Health Warning

As a hypnotherapist, I am acutely aware of the power of words. A few well-chosen words can induce hypnosis and help my clients with a wide range of problems. I specialise in confidence,... Read More

Classic Parenting: Encouragement, Praise, Acceptance, and Responsibility

Encouragement comes when you focus on your child's assets and strengths in order to build his/her self-confidence. It comes from seeing the positive. Even failures can be outstanding learning experiences. Encouragement sounds like... Read More

First Year With Twins - A Father?s Point Of View

People always ask my wife and I: "How did you ever do it with two babies? I just can't imagine it". My answer is always the same?we just do. We just do what... Read More

Meningitis and Septicaemia

Meningitis is an inflammation of the membranes around the brain and spinal cord. It is caused by either a virus or bacteria.Viral meningitis is usually mild and does not require medical treatment. Bacterial... Read More

Shopping with Children

Is your weekly shopping trip with the kids an absolute chore ! or are you happy to take them along?Lots of moms don't have any choice in the matter, if they don't own... Read More

I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream, But Not For Ice Cream!

We all scream for ice cream. Or, we don't, at least not anymore.Before moving to this sleepy suburb as kids, we lived in the city. We'd walk to the corner store for an... Read More

The Worlds Greatest Dad

You are in the final round of your favorite game show. The category is "Fatherhood". All that stands between you and the grand prize is the answer to this question: "Describe the World's... Read More

Considering Daycare? Consider the Pros and Cons

When you're a parent it's a difficult decision to know whether to send your child to daycare or not. We have provided many of the pros and cons of sending your child to... Read More

Career Education: Does Not Mean the 6 Year College Plan

Researching career education uncovered the following shocking statistic: The average college student takes 5.3 years to earn a 4-year Bachelor's degree. Other data included that college retention is mediocre at best with a... Read More

Is My Child Lazy?

Is there a difference between lazy and unmotivated? Why do some children move as if in slow motion? Is this normal or are they just trying to irritate you? You may be surprised... Read More

7 Ways to Survive the Start of the School Year

It happens every year. Just when you are settled in to the lazy days of summer, you are startled to find Back to School catalogs in your mailbox and bikinis going on sale... Read More

Weathering Colic for New Parents

A common problem many times facing parents is Colic. Estimates say that between 15-25% of infants are born with Colic. Although it is not believed to effect a baby's development it is still... Read More

5 Steps to Raising an Optimistic Child

I had just completed a session with 17-year old Julie who suffered from severe depression. Julie believed she was a total failure and would never be able to change anything in her life.... Read More

The Legend and Charm of The Tooth Fairy

The legend and myth of the Tooth Fairy is a delightful part of our modern family culture. Kids dream about receiving a special gift or money from this charming, magical fairy. Adults fondly... Read More