Discipline on My Mind

I look out of the window as I am writing this. It is home time and mums are collecting their children from the local primary school. I see and hear harassed mums shouting "come here" (no response); "get down from there" (no response); "if you do that again you'll get a slap" (no response; no slap). And what am I writing about? Discipline!

What does that word discipline conjure up in your mind? For many of us it provokes a picture of punishments and the control of others through the threat of punishments.

However, only thinking along those lines might be missing the point. And if we do that there is the danger that we can't do our best for our kids. Let's look at it differently for a moment.

What about these ideas:

* the discipline of quietness, patience, and self-control,

*the discipline required for a sense of justice, tolerance and fair-mindedness,

* the discipline needed for using reading, writing, scientific processes, clear thinking, programming a computer, playing games skilfully, composing music, playing an instrument, creating art, solving mathematical problems, etc,

* the discipline of respecting others and co-operating with them; of playing team games fairly and within the rules,

* the discipline of perseverance and striving to do well,

* the discipline of postponing gratification.

If we have these sorts of aspirations for our children, how can we help them? What can you actually do for your child?

Firstly, be clear about what you want. Make a list of everything you want for your kids and the family. Which are the most important things? If you want well-behaved children, what exactly do you mean by that? Be clear about your values and what you want of your children so you can help them through some of the ambiguities and apparent contradictions in life. This will also help you to be consistent.

Secondly, let those values and goals guide your actions. You will find that they encourage you to be consistent in many different situations. The following ideas might help.

* Build a positive relationship with your children. Nourish their self-esteem and encourage their self-confidence.

* Help them understand your expectations. Explain why something is right or wrong; discuss the matter fully and reason it through.

* Anticipate problems before they arise. Be prepared!

* Encourage constructive habits. Having a few "chores" helps them feel part of the family and gives them a vested interest in its activities. Learning to take responsibility for their own room and toys will stand them in good stead for the future.

* Deal with bad, anti-social behaviour quickly. Approach it fairly and with as little fuss as possible so that you can concentrate on preventing it happening again. If you "turn a blind eye" it might make life easy for the moment, but you'll pay for it in the long run.

* Encourage your kids to get involved in organised activities out of school. It helps their social development and their emotional intelligence.

* Keep the promises you make. If you must make them, keep them ? otherwise the inconsistency will cause no end of problems for you and your children.

* Encourage your children to learn from their mistakes. Support them through their mistakes and errors so they don't feel badly and can see their improvements.

* Keep a level head. Avoid losing your temper. Sure, express anger, but when you lose your temper you won't think constructively. There might be better alternatives.

The word discipline implies some adherence to some sort of rules. If you are going to have any rules, make them understandable, specific and fair. Get your children involved in writing them ? the discussions will help them understand. Children have more enthusiasm for respecting rules that they have had a hand in writing. And in following the rules yourself, you are setting a wonderful example to your kids.

BUT ? whatever you do, don't expect that the outcome to be exactly as you expected it! You cannot mould your children into your own likeness. Live with that ? and rejoice in it.

If you want to know more about this subject, contact Clive who has worked with children in primary schools for over 30 years as teacher, headteacher, coach and mentor. He now applies his knowledge, skills and understanding to helping others fulfil their dreams. You can find out more at: http://www.clivegrahamcoaching.com If you want to share your thoughts or ask any questions, he would be very happy to hear from you. Contact him: info@clivegrahamcoaching.com

---

Parenting Your Teenager: Driving and Having a Car is a Privilege, Not a Right

Q. My teenage son is turning 16 early next year and he's already lobbying us for a new car. He says all his friends are getting new cars, that he deserves one because... Read More

Dad, Go Ahead and Cry

She slipped her small, soft eight-year-old hand into mine. Her face was lit up with joy. And as my daughter took my hand and moved closer to me, I lost control of my... Read More

Raising A High Maintenance Child

Do you have a high maintenance child?"Thank goodness my second child wasn't born first. I would have stopped at one child if he was my first," said a mother at a recent parenting... Read More

How to Stop Bad Behavior Before it Starts

Coping with a child's bad behavior, perhaps more than any other aspect of parenting, can cause stress, family disfunction, and a general loss of harmony in your home. Over time, negative behavior cycles... Read More

Over-Focused ADHD

The least flexible character in all of the stories of Winnie the Pooh and Christopher Robin has got to be Rabbit. Oh, he can get a lot of things done, and he's the... Read More

What is Prenatal Intelligence?

Prenatal intelligence, also known as fetal intelligence, has become a very hot topic among medical professionals and expecting parents because of the affects it might have on the fetus. Many studies have been... Read More

Guide to Choosing LEGO Toys for Children

If you're looking for toys that are both fun to play with and educational for your child, LEGO toys are a very good option.LEGO toys are known worldwide as one of the best... Read More

How Much Water are You Wasting?

Are you being smart about water conservation? Do you consider yourself an environmentally conscious person? Well, how do you wash your car? Do you do it in your driveway? If you wash your... Read More

Reading, Writing, Rithmetic -- and Recess!

Recess has begun disappearing in states all around the country. The reason is the increasing emphasis on "academics" and the mistaken belief that recess detracts from time that could be better spent studying.... Read More

Ritalin (Methylphenidate) in the Treatment of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder

Ritalin is a good medication with a bad reputation. Its name causes more fear in the hearts of parents than any other medication. It is the topic of radio talk shows, protests by... Read More

Helping Your Teen Get Back to School With Clear Skin

Backpack? Check. Notebooks? Check. Ink-pens? Check. Clear Skin? Mommmm!If you are anything like three-fourths of the parents Harris Interactive for the American Counseling Association recently surveyed, you are actively involved in helping your... Read More

Backpacks and Bullies. Is Your Child Prepared?

As the flurry of Back to School activities subside, parents are left to ponder more pressing issues than notebooks, backpacks, and sneakers.Will my child succeed this year? Will his academic and social growth... Read More

Eating Disorders in Children

If I had a dollar for every time I persuaded a girl of 8 or 9 that they were not, in fact, fat, I'd be considerably richer. When my older daughter was about... Read More

How Fathers Can Step Up to Fathering

When our oldest son was 2, my wife went out of town for a weekend. When a friend of hers called and I told her she was out of town, she said"So you're... Read More

Learning Responsibility is a Lifelong Process

Learning responsibility is an ever widening and lifelong process.As thinking, acting human beings we have the ability to choose our response to events, people and circumstances. We do not become responsible when we... Read More

ZERO Tolerance: How Firm the Line?

A friend phoned her neighbor, complaining about the wafts of marijuana smoke that circled up and into to her kitchen window from the neighbor's driveway during the warm summer nights. The neighbor's teenagers... Read More

A New School Year

Depending on where you live school will be starting this month or next month. A new school year is usually exciting and scary at the same time. Most children won't admit it, but... Read More

Family Meetings 101

Family meetings provide opportunities for feelings to be aired and validated. They also allow younger children to feel they are an important part of the decision-making process when it comes to family vacations... Read More

Illegal and Legal Drug Usage in the United States

How bad is the illegal drug problem here in the US? Very bad and it alters the brain's thought process and causes a problem with human interaction and our natural socializing tendencies. The... Read More

How Kids Learn To Cooperate In Video Games -- A Guide for Parents and Teachers

A great many parents are concerned that the electronic games their kids play are teaching the kids "negative" messages such as aggression, violence, and isolation from real people. I want to illustrate here... Read More

Taking Home Souvenirs, Not Junk

Gift shops are a kid magnet and often a trip highlight! Do you cringe at the sight inexpensive trinkets and novelty items that will be lost or broken in the span of hours?... Read More

Potty Dolls to Accelerate Potty Training Success

Sometime the most effective training tool in rapidly accelerating the rate of your child's training is a potty doll. This is drink-and-wet a doll with the internal plumbing that simulates the potty process... Read More

Positive Parenting - Oops! I Really Lost My Temper With My Kids, What Now?

Ever blown your top to your children, only to regret it ten minutes later?Silly question, it happens to us all no matter how well-behaved our kids or placid and patient we are. At... Read More

From Childrens Stories to Study Skills: Help Your Children Succeed in School

IntroductionAs a parent who wants the best for your children, there are undoubtedly many things that you already do every day to help your children succeed in school. The purpose of this article... Read More

Promoting Your Childs Heart Health

Cardiovascular endurance is one of the five health-related components of physical fitness. It refers to the ability of the heart and lungs to supply oxygen and nutrients to the muscles. In simple terms,... Read More

Its a Sick World

It's no joy to be sick. It's even less joy when your child is sick. But the most unjoy is when you AND your child are sick together.That happened to my poor wife... Read More

How To Potty Train In Two Days

Ah, potty training! Go to a local bookseller and you will find dozens of books on the subject. Search the Net and there are thousands of websites with information on how to do... Read More

5 Ways To Tell If A Preschooler Is Living In Your House

1. You reheated the same cup of coffee three times this morning.2. There is always one more person in your bed in the morning, than there was the night before.3. You can't imagine... Read More

Why Scrapbooking Moms are the Secret Weapon in the War on Terror

There is a front line and a back end to every successful war effort. Rosie the Riveter was an icon during World War II and she was symbolic of the strong American woman... Read More