How Can I Teach My Child To Be Responsible?

Most of us when asked what we want our children to become, we include "responsible" among other things such as happy, fulfilled and caring. We want our children to learn to make wise choices, be responsible for their actions and live responsibly.

Do we teach children to become responsible by simply giving them chores to do? That's part of it for sure but only part of it. What about learning to be responsible for their actions? What kind of messages do we give out that either encourage or discourage a child to become responsible? How are we at taking responsibility for our actions?

Expecting children to participate in the running of the household can begin as soon as they learn to walk. It simply makes a statement that they are a valued member of the household and are capable of making a contribution. We can start by providing hooks at their level so they can hang up their coats, by providing large plastic bins so toys can be easily accessed and put away, and by providing plastic dinnerware so they can clear their own dishes away. The older children become, responsibilities can be added according to what you're comfortable with and what is appropriate for their age. If we get into the habit of always doing things for them that they can do for themselves, we give them the message that they're not capable.

When we discipline through natural and logical consequences we teach children to become responsible for their behavior. Physical punishment, nagging and lecturing seldom works in teaching a child to act responsibly. They instead learn to fear us and the result is a parent/child relationship that is not based around mutual trust and respect. Our job as parents is to help make children accountable for their behavior.

Offering choices provides many opportunities for children to learn responsibility. Life is all about choices and we can begin offering a choice of 2 or 3 things to toddlers. They learn to live with the consequences of their choices and it says to them that they are capable of making a choice which in turn encourages mutual respect and a healthy sense of self-worth.

How often do we as parents take on the problems of our children when in fact it's they who own the problem? We become overly anxious around homework not completed, an argument with a friend, or any number of things that truly have nothing to do with us. When we allow our children to take ownership of their own problems and learn to detach ourselves, we teach them to become responsible for their actions. We also give them the message that we know they are capable of handling the problem. We can instead offer guidance with questions such as: "What would you do differently next time?" "What do you think will happen if you don't finish this?" We can still guide and support without fixing.

How are we at assuming responsibility for our own actions? Are we quick to blame others for things that go wrong or do we take ownership for our part in a problem? If we constantly blame others for things that go wrong in our lives, we teach our children to become victims. They don't learn that the only person that can fully take charge of what happens to us, is ourselves. People who live responsibly take action to change rather than react and blame others.

Recommended reading: "Raising a Responsible Child" by Dr. Don Dinkmeyer and Dr. Gary McKay.

Barbara Desmarais is a Parenting and Life Coach. She works with parents both privately and in groups helping them to find solutions to their parenting challenges. She has worked with parents for over 16 years.

---

Strengths and Weaknesses

All too often, children with learning disabilities are seen through their weaknesses. Like anyone else, however, they have many strengths. It is of the greatest importance to focus on the strengths that... Read More

Why Modern Moms Are Going Back to the Basics ? The Evolution of the Cloth Diaper

Having a baby is one of the most exciting times of your life. It is also one of the most stressful. So many decisions have to be made about nearly every aspect of... Read More

Homeschooling --- A Superior Education For Your Child

Home-schooling provides children with a superior education. Parents can quickly teach most kids the basics of reading, writing, and arithmetic using excellent, creative, learn-to-read, or learn-math books, programs, or computer learning software. Once... Read More

The Recipe For The Making Of A Self-Assured Child: One Part Communication, Two Parts Love

Each child carries a unique picture of the self, shaped in part by the influence of parents. Your child is not born with a self-image or self-assurance. Both traits are learned through experiences... Read More

Medications: Addressing Parental Fears and Concerns

Recently, a parent came to me, conflicted over whether to follow her pediatrician's recommendation of placing her young son on medication. His difficult behaviors had escalated in recent years and after trying behavioral... Read More

ADHD: Dialogue with a Non-Believer, Part Four

Dear Sir, It was with some interest that I read the article What You Should Know About Attention Deficit Disorder by Edward W. after having it handed to me by a member of... Read More

Winning The Whining War

Jason Meridith's two-year old son whines when he wants more juice. Brenda Kreuger's eight-year old daughter whines about having to take piano lessons. Connie Gustufson's daughter whines about not getting enough playing time... Read More

Top 20 Items To Pack In A Diaper Bag

1. Diapers (5 -7 is a fairly safe supply)2. Wipes3. Cream (like Desitin, A&D ointment, Vaseline)4. Baby Powder5. At least one bottle of juice or milk6. A few jars of baby food7. At... Read More

A Quiz for Parents: What Are They REALLY Learning?

Picture this. Your child comes home with a special assignment from school. He's very excited about it and puts in a lot of time to perfect it. He's thrilled with the result and... Read More

Childhood Obesity & Parents Healthy Food Confusion

Many parents struggle to know which foods are healthy for their children. When they are able to opt for healthy choices, about two-thirds struggle to get their children to eat healthily, a poll... Read More

Wholism and Materialism

Perhaps I could make a lot of money by founding a Thinker's Anonymous organization. It surely is the rage to eschew thinking.Helping people achieve great things is worthwhile to your SELF.If you do... Read More

The Courage to Be a Loving Parent

Most of us really don't like it when someone is angry at us. We don't like it when people go into resistance to helping us when we need help, instead of caring about... Read More

7 Ways to Survive the Start of the School Year

It happens every year. Just when you are settled in to the lazy days of summer, you are startled to find Back to School catalogs in your mailbox and bikinis going on sale... Read More

Get Down (On The Floor!) And Play With Your Children

When was the last time you and your kids rolled around on the floor together laughing yourselves silly? If you're like me, it may have been a while! Sometimes I get caught up... Read More

Picky Eater Syndrome

'Picky Eater' is a label coined to describe the phenomenon that someone has discerning taste preferences different from their parents or others. These discerning taste preferences are dictated by their blood and body... Read More

How to Make a Time Capsule

Looking for an unusual and memorable gift? Why not preserve a slice of history by creating a time capsule for your loved one?A personalized time capsule can be made for any special event,... Read More

Meeting The True Needs of Children Diagnosed As ADHD

How should one look upon Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and what is the effective way to aid those who are given this diagnosis? There has been considerable debate as to whether or... Read More

Ten Reasons to Tell your Kids Stories

In today's busy world, many parents have lost the art of telling their stories to their kids. Here are ten reasons why these stories are so beneficial:1. Use them to teach lessons about... Read More

Teach Your Kids to Cook Well, Eliminating Excessive Health Care Needs in the Future

We are all aware of the child obesity epidemic that has not only attacked the United States, but internationally as well. To keep our children healthy and keep health care costs down, we... Read More

MORAL ARMORS Irrational Parenting, Part I

"If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: Are Sleep Overs with the Opposite Sex OK?

Q. Our 17-year-old son wants us to let his girlfriend spend the night at our house in his room. He has two beds since his older brother left for college. He says nothing... Read More

Bless Your Child With The Name

What a dreamer I am when thinking about parenthood. Most of the time, I do this without knowing to whom my heart will belong and who will share that sacred responsibility. Even though,... Read More

Advantages of Using a Board Certified Pediatrician

When a child is born, a new number is added to the parental speed dial. When a child wakes his parents up in the middle of the night, there is one person that... Read More

Andy Griffith Show Family Lessons

Although it might seem pretty corny to a lot of folks today, the old Andy Griffith Show really did have a lot of common sense family values that we could learn from today.Take... Read More

From Birth to Teen, Spirituality in Children

Until about the age of six, children do not generally have the aptitude to think in abstract terms. But they do have an imagination, and they do fantasize... it is just that they... Read More

Will My Child Ever Out-grow His Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder?

If your child has Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder then at some point you will be asking the question, "Will my child ever outgrow it?" Well, there is good news, and not so... Read More

Home For The Holidays: Is it Time for That Talk?

Just a couple of years ago Annie helped her parents get the washer & dryer moved from the basement to a bedroom on the first floor after her mom missed the last step... Read More

Guerilla Parenting Techniques: What Are They?

When you hear the phrase, 'guerrilla parenting techniques', what images come to mind? I see a big, broad shouldered soldier, dressed in green fatigues, with brown paint on his face. His chest is... Read More

Help Your Child Do Better in School

1. Create a personal schedule Recording everything that must be done on a calendar or "to do" list will help him... Read More