How to Help Your Children to Blossom

I am writing this from the beautiful mountains of Western North Carolina in the southeastern region of the United States.

It is gorgeous here in April, with trees covered in white or pink blossoms, masses of yellow forsythia in bloom and flowers of many colors bursting forth in gardens and along the roadsides.

It takes my breath away.

As I allow myself to soak up the beauty all around me, I think about the experience of being a parent. I can't help it.

Here are some of the messages Spring is whispering to me this year:

1. Allow everything to happen in its own time.

I remember how, in January, we were longing for Spring to come. Looking at the bare trees, I could imagine the blossoms of April and silently urged Spring to hurry.

But the time was not right.

It's like raising children. There is an inner rhythm, a natural unfolding that cannot be hurried. We can't force the blossoming.

My grand-daughter just took her first steps. She is 13 months old.

For the last few months, she has been standing and walking around the furniture. The adults in her life have been encouraging her to take those un-supported steps.

She was not ready.

Some things cannot be hurried.

In fact, when we hurry our children, it often slows them down. They become anxious and unsure of themselves, and disconnect from their own inner wisdom.

Is there something that you want your child to do or to become that seems to be taking a long time?

Are you impatient?

This may be the time for you to allow the natural process to unfold in its own time.

Trust the knowing within your child. The same inner guidance that we all have within us is within our children as well.

Allow them to bloom in their own way, in their own time.

2. Appreciate each day for the gifts it brings.

The magnificent beauty of Spring is so fleeting.

Last week, I was enjoying the delicate pink flowers of our weeping cherry tree, branches bending gently toward the earth.

I wanted to stop time and hold on to the beauty of it all, but I knew I couldn't.

So I took the time to sit and watch the branches dancing gently in the wind. I soaked in as much of the beauty as I could and felt an overwhelming gratitude to be a part of that magic moment.

Now the blossoms have been replaced by tiny green leaves. The moment of magnificence has passed. Too quickly.

Today I have a choice. I can regret the loss of the blossoms. Or I can appreciate the beauty that is before me now. Flowers gave way to leaves, but the tree is still beautiful.

When my children were teenagers, our relationships went through phases.

Some times were magnificent, like a tree in full bloom. We just seemed to click, and my heart overflowed with love and gratitude.

Other days, we had difficult issues to work through, or they seemed withdrawn. I felt very disconnected from them.

It was easy to remember the way they were before, and that left me with a feeling of loss.

I had a choice. I could regret what I had in the moment - or I could find a way to shift my own emotional energy.

I did that by looking for things to appreciate. It worked every time. It took me from disappointment to gratitude.

In what ways do your children blossom?

Do you take the time to be with them and share those moments with them?

What happens when the moment has passed? Can you appreciate your children even on ordinary days, when nothing special is bursting forth - or even when they are out of sorts and taking it out on you?

Can you look past all of that?

Can you see the beauty that is before you today?

Look at your children. Look until you see something that you appreciate.

Take a few minutes to feel your gratitude for the gift that they bring to your life right now. No comparisons with other children. No longing for a different time when things seemed better between you.

Just appreciate the child who is before you today.

3. Plant the seeds and tend the garden:

All around us, tulips and daffodils are springing up in a bright profusion of color.

Some yards are like vibrant paintings. Other yards are like blank canvases. Nothing is blooming.

What does that tell me?

If we want our children to blossom, we need to learn the lessons of the garden.

Flowers do not appear magically. Someone planted the seeds or the bulbs, and the sun and rain work together to draw the plants out of their winter hibernation.

So it is with our children.

What words do you say to your children? How do act when you are with them? These are the seeds that you plant.

What is the emotional atmosphere like in your home? This is the soil in which the seeds will either grow or whither.

Is it warm and life-affirming?

Is it inviting and welcoming, so your children feel, not only safe, but encouraged to express themselves?

If so, then they will blossom before your eyes.

Pat and Larry Downing have many years of experience counseling teenagers and their parents, conducting family mediations and leading workshops and support groups. They are co-authors of the e-Book, "Feel Good Parenting: How to Use the Power of Your Heart to Create an Extraordinary Relationship with Your Child."

For more information on how to create relationships that are peaceful, harmonious, cooperative and joyful, you may go to go to http://www.feelgoodparenting.com/ to sign up for a free e-Course and a free e-zine for parents.

Copyright ? 2005 by Patricia Downing

PERMISSION TO REPUBLISH: This article may be republished in newsletters and on websites, provided you include ALL the above information about the authors, as it appears, including copyright information and live website link.

---

Child Safety at Home

Maintaining a safe home environment for your childrenAs adults and parents we are responsible for all the aspects of child safety at home and the importance of following child safety tips to improve... Read More

Over-Indulgence And Over-Attentiveness - Two Dangers Parents Must Avoid!

We're all familiar with the over-indulgent parent. But there's another parenting practice that can be equally harmful: over-attentiveness.It's possible to be one or the other - or in some cases, both!Let's look first... Read More

Monitoring Your Teens for Drug Use Without Appearing to be Spying

Even if your teenagers do not use drugs, you still need to keep an eye on them. It is much better to realize that things could change, and anticipate that your teen COULD... Read More

Top Seven Tips To Become A Good Stepmother

Becoming a stepmother can undoubtedly be one of the most challenging, yet rewarding, experiences in a woman's life. Every family's circumstances are certainly different in some ways. There are numerous uncontrollable factors, which... Read More

Do You Have the Loving Relationship With Your Children That You Desire?

Most people with children want to be good parents. The majority of parents want the best for their kids, but at what cost to the kids? If what we are doing as parents... Read More

A Legacy For Dakota

Have you heard the song; "I Hope You Dance"? It is by Lee Ann Womak. I love that song. When I hear it, it always reminds me of my son, Dakota. It is... Read More

What is Prenatal Intelligence?

Prenatal intelligence, also known as fetal intelligence, has become a very hot topic among medical professionals and expecting parents because of the affects it might have on the fetus. Many studies have been... Read More

Difference

There are times when my ideas of raising a child is different from the elderly and others. To begin with, my baby is not an easy one. Because we're all different and have... Read More

Road Trip! Make It Fun For Your Toddler

If you had to spend 4 or 5 hours in a snug car seat with even snugger straps and nothing to do, you might not be a huge road trip fan either. Road... Read More

How Do I Get My Child to Read?

Well first off, please to don't institute the ? hour of mandatory reading that so many schools and parents are so keen on these days. You want to encourage a life-long love of... Read More

Picky Eater Kid Nutritional Guidelines

Although many children are picky eaters at some stage in their lives, the experts say not to worry. Unless you are feeding him or her chips and cookies three times each day, these... Read More

The Free Ride In Public Schools

To protect children's self-esteem or deflect complaints by parents, many public schools today automatically advance failing students to the next grade level. In other schools, some students are left back a maximum of... Read More

Ease Bug Bites with Easy Herbs

Summertime means insect bites and stings. Ouch! Take a leaf from Susun S. Weed's storehouse of natural remedies: Soothe, heal, and prevent bites with safe herbal remedies that grow right where you live:... Read More

Winning The Whining War

Jason Meridith's two-year old son whines when he wants more juice. Brenda Kreuger's eight-year old daughter whines about having to take piano lessons. Connie Gustufson's daughter whines about not getting enough playing time... Read More

Some Good News About Blended Families

They Spur Members To Grow EmotionallyTatiana Tannenbaum grappled with a classic stepfamily struggle when she moved from Moscow, Russia to Portland, Ore. and married Leb Tannenbaum: Her three new stepsons weren't very happy... Read More

Helpful Tips for the Adoptive Grandparent

Few things are more completely enjoyable than becoming a grandparent. Grandchildren are one of life's joys, whether they come by birth or via adoption. All grandchildren are loved equally and are equally lovable.When... Read More

Top Seven Tips for Back-to-School Success

Parents play a critical role in their child's success. These seven tips from http://www.goalsettingforstudents.com explain how to help your child set and achieve goals for the new school year. 1. Set... Read More

Stop, Look, Listen! Steps to Better Parenting Communication

As a parent is seems that the majority of your day is spent trying to get your children to listen to what you are trying to teach them. Make them understand how to... Read More

Is it ADHD or Bi-Polar Disorder?

Bi-Polar Disorder, or Manic Depression, is characterized by mood swings, sometimes extreme, ranging from depressed to normal moods, or from depressed to manic episodes. Manic behaviors are often very similar to "hyperactive" behaviors,... Read More

Navigating in the New World: Parents and Teenagers Growing Together

One of the most prevalent myths of our modern culture is the one that says, "Adolescence is a time of inevitable conflict." You will hear doctors say it, and teachers, and therapists, and... Read More

Parents --- Homeschooling Can Take a Lot Less Time Than You Think

The time you will need to teach your children the essentials - reading, writing, and arithmetic - is much less than you think. Let me quote author and former public-school teacher John Gatto... Read More

Spend Time Not Money With The Kids This Winter

Spending quality time with your children doesn't need to cost a lot of money. What's most important, is that you take the opportunity to bond with them. The time that you spend with... Read More

Confident Children - Avoid Overparenting

For many years underparenting was perhaps the biggest problem facing children.Recently there has emerged another type of parenting that, whilst never as harmful as underparenting, can be detrimental to children's healthy development? that... Read More

Twelve Tips To Connect With Teachers At Conference Time

It's that time again! Parent-teacher conferences are coming. Are you nervous? Excited? Confused? It takes teamwork to raise kids. Teachers are part of the team, but sometimes it feels like you're on opposite... Read More

Talk Your Child Clever

Most parents can hardly wait for their baby to say its first word. This usually happens between the nine months and a year. From about two years, the child should be able to... Read More

Guide To Choosing Educational Toys For Children

In the last few years, parents started getting more and more interested in choosing all sorts of educational toys for their children. Because a parent wishes the best for his child, a toy... Read More

His Toy, Her Toy

I remember when my daughter was born. Visions of her and I dressed in pinks and purples sitting in her lacy pink room playing dolls danced threw my head. A year later my... Read More

Car Wash Fundraiser Preparation

Are you considering a car wash fundraiser for your group? We all no it is getting harder and harder to raise the funds for non-profit groups these days. Especially kids groups such as... Read More

After the Driving School

If you visit search engines you can find several resources to assist you on this subject. Try searching on the phrase "parents with teen drivers". Alternatively we have tried to make this easy... Read More