Its OK to Say No

In the last 20 years we've all been introduced to a new style of parenting that is much more democratic than most of us experienced, growing up. Families are more child- centered than they were before, we no longer advocate spanking as an effective form of discipline, we often allow children to negotiate for privileges or things, and we're much more involved in our children's lives than most of our parents were in our lives. Parenting is much, much less autocratic than it was in previous generations.

As with many other changes we make over time, sometimes we take a good thing too far and it no longer serves the purpose it was intended. Offering choices, using natural and logical consequences, and using a kinder tone in our voice are all excellent tools to achieve desirable results. However, often we forget that it's still OK to simply say "no" when a child asks for something we consider unreasonable. They might be asking for a toy that is not suitable for their age or is beyond your budget. They might already have more toys than they can possible use. They might be asking to go somewhere and you know you don't have the time or energy to take them there. They might be asking for a sleep-over or for a friend to come over to play and you're simply not in the mood. You have the right as a parent to say no and then leave it at that. We don't have to always give long explanations as to why they can't have something or go somewhere. We don't even have to raise our voice. A simple, "No, not today" is enough. If we let them, they'll try and manipulate us with cries, whines, temper tantrums and any number of other ways to get us to change our mind. If we ultimately do change our mind to please them, we've essentially taught them that they can control us to get what they want. How do you stop your child from manipulating you into changing your mind? First of all, believe in yourself. Know that you know what is best for both you and your child and it's not in anyone's best interest if you give in. Also, tell yourself that you're not going to get hooked and simply walk away or change the subject. Children are very skilled at making us feel guilty. Remember that children that have unclear boundaries are less secure than those that have clear boundaries.

Now that you know it's fine to say no, it doesn't mean that you can't change your mind. If you've said no to something and later change your mind after you've thought about it, it's OK to go back to your child and say: "You know, I've been thinking about what you were asking about and I've changed my mind." We don't want to be doing that all the time, but changing your mind doesn't make you an indecisive parent. Who doesn't change their mind now and again? Remember, we're human.

Barbara Desmarais
Parenting and Life Coach
http://www.theparentingcoach.com
barb@theparentingcoach.com
604-524-1783

---

Develop Your Childs Genius - Right Brain/Left Brain Coordination

No matter how old your children are, you have an immense power to affect their growth, development and success in life. By actively pursuing activities that contribute to the better development of their... Read More

Potty Training ?To Train or Not to Train?

I have always found the notion of toilet training a toddler to be a bit much. I didn't feel right about pushing my girls to do something I felt would eventually come naturally.... Read More

Clean Slates and Fresh Starts

Hope, excitement and anxiety all wrapped up in fresh haircuts and new clothes. Pens, pencils and notebooks, the smell of a new box of crayons and a brand new book; it all speaks... Read More

Work Before Play

Many families, ours included, have learned that breakfast is eaten after we are dressed and have made our beds. Dressing and making a bed somehow only takes five minutes when done before breakfast... Read More

How to Deal with Your Child?s Inappropriate Behaviour

Children bombard parents with many challenging behaviours. We are delighted if their behaviour is mostly positive. But what if your child constantly demonstrates negative behaviour? How are you going to deal with it?It... Read More

Are You Meeting ALL Your Childs Basic Needs?

This may come as a surprise, but many parents are unaware ofthe full extent of their child's basic needs.Do you remember the old song by Lennon and McCartney aboutthe girl leaving home after... Read More

Pipe Down!

Life is funny.My twenty-year-old daughter, Melanie, has a her new summer job as a nanny for three small children. She's an aspiring operatic soprano who was whisked off to a rich suburb near... Read More

Childrens Discipline: How To Resolve Divorce Parenting Differences?

Did you know that inconsistency on matters of discipline gives double messages, produces anxiety and can be very confusing to your children? Children need to know where they stand in their behaviors. It... Read More

7 Powerful Ways to Show Love to Children

Our children are our most important legacy to the world. However, our love is our most important legacy to our children. Here are seven ways to show love that will help children build... Read More

Teaching Kids to Read

We are all so very happy to see that the First Lady has made reading a renewed priority for our country. The literacy issue is a big one. Kids are being passed year... Read More

Choosing Names For Twins

There are many reasons for treating your twins as individuals rather than a pair. But if you must choose names that go together here are a few suggestions. But first, always make sure... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: Late vs. Too Late, and 5 More Sure Fire Tips

Late vs. Too LateEvery now and then, I'll hear a parent tell me something like this,"I know we should do something about how we handle our son/daughter, but it's really too late since... Read More

Labor of Love

The small, lilac colored hexagonal box, with Winnie the Pooh on the lid, brings to mind healthy babies and happy times. But not all babies are born healthy and not all deliveries are... Read More

Our Recommended Eating Program for ADHD

Below is a copy of our eating program for Attention Deficit Disorder - ADD ADHD kids. It is not a very strict program, unless you are used to having most meals at your... Read More

Baptisms And Alternative Ways To Hold A Naming Ceremony

Traditionally, babies have been named at a christening/baptism. Most still are, but increasingly parents are choosing an alternative, non-religious ceremony.There are three types of service available at a Church. ... Read More

Is Your Child Learning Nothing?

You send your child to school and the teachers teach them. If that is what you think, you could be way wrong ! While most teachers are good at presenting information to a... Read More

How Fathers Can Step Up to Fathering

When our oldest son was 2, my wife went out of town for a weekend. When a friend of hers called and I told her she was out of town, she said"So you're... Read More

ADD / ADHD Children : Being Your Childs Best Friend

Do you live with an ADD / ADHD child? If so-- my hat is off to you! ADD / ADHD children are brilliant, full of energy, smart as a whip (as grandma says),... Read More

Life Lessons Learned in My Underwear

For several years now, I've told the following story as a keynote presentation when I do speaking engagements:When our oldest son was a toddler and teething heavily, he woke up one morning at... Read More

How To Teach Your Children Self-Reliance and Potential

Self-reliance and potential are two very important values that I'd highly recommend parents teach their children.Self-reliance refer to the acceptance of responsibility for and the consequence of one's own actions and performance. It... Read More

Ritalin (Methylphenidate) in the Treatment of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder

Ritalin is a good medication with a bad reputation. Its name causes more fear in the hearts of parents than any other medication. It is the topic of radio talk shows, protests by... Read More

Types of Schools for Troubled Teens

It can be difficult on all family members to have a teen move to a boarding facility. As a result, many parents choose to take their troubled teen to an alternative school. In... Read More

Build Character Now! Practical Tools for Busy Parents

"To educate a person in mind and not in morals is to educate a menace to society." -Theodore Roosevelt, U.S. PresidentTeddy Roosevelt hit the mark with his words. To educate a child in... Read More

Backpacks and Bullies. Is Your Child Prepared?

As the flurry of Back to School activities subside, parents are left to ponder more pressing issues than notebooks, backpacks, and sneakers.Will my child succeed this year? Will his academic and social growth... Read More

The Graceful Art of Defrazzling - For Mothers

"I wipe my baby's chin with my college diploma and wonder, 'How did I ever get here?'"-- Joy Rose from the band "Housewives on Prozac"I'm sure any mom on the planet can relate... Read More

The Symtoms Of Meningitis And Septicaemia

Meningitis is an inflammation of the membranes around the brain and spinal cord. It is caused by either a virus or bacteria.Viral meningitis is usually mild and does not require medical treatment. Bacterial... Read More

Its OK to Say No

In the last 20 years we've all been introduced to a new style of parenting that is much more democratic than most of us experienced, growing up. Families are more child- centered than... Read More

Effects of Jealousy on Childs Personality

Dear friends here we will charge up our mind with the information of jealousy, Meaning of jealousy, causes of jealousy & effects of jealousy on personality.Meaning- Jealousy is an form of emotional stress.... Read More

Featured Article on Parenting: The Power of Belonging

Search for Assurance: The Power of BelongingThe job hunt is on, as is the quest to find another great preschool and neighborhood to be part of. After feeling out of place, hearing over... Read More