Teaching Children Good Manners

Last week in my newsletter, I mentioned that my children knew how to behave in nice restaurants because they had been exposed to the atmosphere at an early age. My idea of well behaved might be different from yours, however, I think there are certain basics that are important and universal.

When my daughters were babies, we would take them wherever we went. If they began to fuss or cry, one of us would promptly remove them from the room/restaurant/market/wherever. Not because we felt their crying or fussing was a bad thing. No, it's a perfectly normal occurrence for infants and toddlers. We removed them as a courtesy to others who we felt did not need to be as tolerant as we were with our children's noise. In consequence, my daughters know that other people are not as wildly in love with their racket or with them as we are. Nor should they be expected to be.

As our children grew older, they were always told the rules of our outings, how to behave and to always speak softly if other adults were present. Sometimes, it's fine to let them get a little crazy ... just know your audience! If we are at a five star restaurant where many other diners have come to enjoy a gracious and expensive meal, would we expect everyone there to be enthralled with junior's vocal or behavioral outbursts? Would we really expect them to care if our child is having a bout with walking pneumonia and coughing uncontrollably? Nope. It's rude. And rudeness is basically nothing more than bad manners. If there is an emergency with your child, by all means don't give a flying flamingo about what others think. But this is the exception. Besides, children who are that sick belong at home, not in public.

Last night, my girls and I were in a department store. There was a toddler carrying on and screaming for more than 15 minutes when my younger daughter said:

"Now his mommy is going to tell him to stop because there are other people in here that don't want to hear it!"

Unfortunately, his mommy did not tell him any such thing. She let him wail and scream and cry, much to the chagrin and annoyance of everyone else in the store. You know what? As much as I love kids and cannot bear to see or hear them suffering, I disliked this kid immensely!

My reasoning is this: if our kids learn that they are free to trample on the peace, space or rose gardens of others, they will develop into spoiled and inconsiderate brats. And then who will like them? Who will want to spend time with them? Who, besides their forgiving parents, will be able to tolerate their lack of social graces and good manners? No one ? except maybe another ill-mannered person who feels at home with a similarly clueless individual. Do we really want our children reduced to such horrible options? I think not.

We teach our children not to steal, lie or punch their brother in the nose. Shouldn't we teach them respect for others at the same time? That their whining and out-of-control behavior is something no one really wants to hear or witness, especially strangers who have no vested interest in their developing minds or self-esteem? A simple reminder of the rules, consistently, works wonders ... eventually. ;-)

Good luck. Kids need to learn manners and social graces. They will go farther in life if we teach them well.

Copyright ? 2000-2004- Rexanne Mancini

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rexanne Mancini is the mother of two daughters, Justice and Liberty. She is a novelist, freelance writer and maintains an extensive yet informal parenting and family web site, Rexanne.com ? http://www.rexanne.com Visit her site for good advice, award-winning Internet holiday pages and some humor to help you cope. Subscribe to her free newsletter, Rexanne's Web Review, for a monthly dose of Rexanne: http://www.rexanne.com/rwr-archives.html

---

Parenting Your Teenager: Of Course You Can Search Your Teens Room

Q. We recently caught our son smoking pot, and we wonder whether he's doing more stuff. We have reason to believe he has been hiding drugs in his room, and we're wondering whether... Read More

Missing The Bus

As a step daughter and step grand daughter, I followed the examples that were set for me years before when I became a step parent. The way my stepson finally came to love... Read More

Registering a Birth in Scotland

Who Can Register A Birth? The child's mother or father should register the birth within 21 days. However, a father who is not married to the child's mother can only register... Read More

Toilet Terrors And Other Potty Training Fears

Potty training fears, often called toilet terrors, are common among toddlers and small children. Look at things from your child's perspective. He is giving up the security of a diaper for a big,... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: Responding to a Poor Progress Report in School

Q. We just got our daughter's progress report, and it looks as if no matter how hard she works she'll get all C's and D's, when she had been getting A's and B's.... Read More

A Guide To Help You Teach Your Children Positve Self-Image Through Fitness

Raising a pre-teen or teenage daughter (or son) is not easy and can cause any parent a lot of stress. There's so much to worry about ? dating, drugs, alcohol, sex, school grades,... Read More

Helping Your Kids Handle Divorce

Every year over one million parents have to talk to their kids about divorce. For each parent, the discussions differ, but the goals of the discussions are universal: to openly and honestly reassure... Read More

Is a Mothers Love, Medicine?

Minus all meningitis thoughts. The flu symptons were strong. Headache, burning fever and sore throat. So what does any natural mother do when their offspring takes ill. They smother him or her with... Read More

Teach Your Child About Money

What are we teaching our children about money? Hopefully something!I remember when I was growing up, our family did not discuss money. Money was a taboo subject, discussed by the parents and handled... Read More

How To Use Positive Child Discipline

I am a single mother of a 17 year old boy. He has turned out so great. Honor Student. Just a loving person. I attribute this to the way I brought up my... Read More

Beginning the Special Education Process

Like anything else in life, there's a method to the special education process. It was put in place to help people who deal with learning disabilities get the best services possible. In order... Read More

Pieces of Time and Pivotal Moments

Life is comprised of pieces of time sprinkled with pivotal moments. Sometimes these moments have immediate impact. Other times, they are slow to manifest and reveal their importance. But if you listen closely... Read More

10 Steps To Prepare You For Life With Children

It's hard to explain to the uninitiated the changes that a child will bring to your life - nothing is quite the same again. If you are an expectant father (or even mother)... Read More

Homeschooling ? Is It Worth It?

Suppose that you rearrange your life to homeschool your child and the experiment fails? You may feel that you've disrupted your life and wasted a year of your child's time. Your child may... Read More

Preventing Obesity in Young Children

Do you have a young child whose weight or eating habits are out of control? Need some real world help with 'taming the cookie monster'? Here are some things that worked for our... Read More

Home For The Holidays: Avoid Aging Parents Becoming A Burden

By not planning for the future we guarantee that we will leave our children with a tremendous burden. Just about the time they are preparing for their own retirement and their children's college... Read More

Math Facts - Try Some Fun Ways to Learn Them

Memorizing math facts is a necessary part of elementary school. Flash cards and repetitive chanting have their place, but, for my children, were pure drudgery. Frustrated by their lack of interest in practicing... Read More

Teenagers in America Today

"Family Matters" was the headline that caught my attention in the newspaper. That's the name of my radio program here in California's central valley. It was interesting enough for me to buy the... Read More

Maximizing Your ADHD Childs Performance in School.

As a parent there are lots of things that you can do to help your child with ADHD succeed in school, with friends, and in life. Here are some tips for you that... Read More

Fundraising For Your Preschool Or Daycare Center

Most day cares are non-profit organizations that must operate within a tight budget that covers the costs of facilities, staff and all of the equipment and materials for operating a quality and stimulating... Read More

Encouraging Your Child to Write

How in the world do you get your child to write? This is the battle cry of many parents. A lot of imagination, with a little bribery (or praise) is all you need... Read More

5 Simple Steps Guaranteed To Allow You To Spend More Time With Your Children This Summer

Look around: Your kids are counting sleeps until the last day of school, the local outdoor swimming pool is open, and the temperature has sky-rocketed. Summer is here! Are you still stuck in... Read More

Best Investment

Every week I write something about the stock market - how to, when to and where to put your money and how to protect it from loss if you do. This week I... Read More

What Do Chinese Water Torture and Arguing with Children Have in Common?

Imagine yourself lying flat on your back, totally strapped down onto a cold, hard table, unable to move any part of your body. You can't see anything around you because your eyes are... Read More

Back to School Success: The Parents Job and the Students Job

Q. With another school year starting, we are not sure how to handle things with our teen-ager. Last year turned into such a battle, and we fear another year just like last year.... Read More

Time Managment Skills for Children

Time management is an organisational concept traditionally associated with adults and the workplace. The experts tell us that more efficient use of time means greater productivity. So organisations encourage individuals to prioritise, plan... Read More

Parents Dealing with Worry and Fear

Dear Vijay,I worry about not being a good parent. My daughter Tracy is six and my son Michael is four. They seem happy. Our family does things together. It is just that with... Read More

Scolding: One of Communications Tools of Last Resort

(Excerpted from Jim Rohn's 2004 Weekend Leadership Event)You have to be very careful of scolding. Scolding, as a last resort, may be necessary but you must be very careful. Scolding someone is like... Read More

Summer Marks the Time to Remember Active Supervision Around Family Swimming Pools

LOS ANGELES (May 19, 2005) - With Memorial Day weekend, and summer fast approaching, EMS, first responders, and water safety advocates, are bracing for the unthinkable ? the unfortunate drowning accidents in backyard... Read More