The Better Behavior Wheel - A New Kind of Calm in the Family

There's a new kind of fun and calm out there in the name of the Better Behavior Wheel, invented by Julie Butler and her family in central British Columbia. In an interesting twist on charts and discipline, this versatile wheel can be hung on a wall or toted with you in the car and on vacations.

It's a way to get whole family involvement, and a little bit of humor to get us over the discipline bumps. Kayla Fay, publisher of Who Put the Ketchup in the Medicine Cabinet? says, "This is the proverbial spoonful of sugar to help the medicine go down! Only a loving parent could come up with such an effective way to discipline children."

As the Wheel Turns

Originally, the wheel sprang from constant battles between Julie's 9- and 12-year-old children, David and Laura. With battles raging in their home, Julie and her husband decided they must find some way to keep the peace. Julie says, "We hated the atmosphere of tension that would invariably follow these exchanges. Our once happy home was being turned into a war zone, and it felt like there were land mines scattered beneath our feet. One night, in desperation, we called the kids into the living room and told them how upsetting their behavior was. We asked them for suggestions on how we could restore peace and serenity back into the family."

The kids were sent to their room to come up with at least six appropriate consequences for their next fight. David and Laura presented the family with consequences like:

Clean the other person's room Do dishes for the other person Make the other person's bed for a week Lend your favorite CD or game to the other person for a week Make a list of ten good things about the other person Hug and make up?.

These suggestions were arranged around the perimeter of a board, and a spinner attached to the middle. The premise was that the spinner would choose the consequence for them, and they would hang the board in plain view in the kitchen. Julie remembers, "We crossed our fingers, and waited. And waited. It was amazing. Just the presence of the board, hanging on our kitchen wall, had an instant calming effect on the atmosphere in our home. Occasionally we'd see one of the kids standing in front of the board, idly flicking the spinner, checking it out. But the fighting had stopped."

Of course, the battle was won, but not the war. Ten days later, the fighting began again, but this time they were prepared. Says Julie, "We called them both into the kitchen, took the board down off the wall, and placed it on the table. They knew what they had to do. How could they refuse? They chose the consequences. They practically invented the board. It landed on the most dreaded consequence of all: Hug and make up!"

Once the fighting subsided, Julie realized there were other behaviors she also wished to curb. "It seemed like the kids were always leaving the lights on when they left a room. Or they'd leave the TV on when they went to bed. Why not make another wheel with consequences related to wasting electricity?"

Eventually, eight themes were added: Excessive Arguing Leaving the Lights On Not Putting Things Away A Job Poorly Done Stretching the Truth Taking Without Asking Talking Back Wheel of Just Desserts (rewards)

Forty-eight consequences and 16 rewards are printed on peel-and-stick paper with colorful eye-catching graphics, enabling parents to customize the wheel to meet their family's needs. Just cut them out and stick them on. It's very easy to make up your own consequences and themes.

Interestingly, Julie says the wheel lowers her stress, keeps the consequences appropriate, and removes parents from the "Bad Guy" label. In the past, she and her husband would have to repeatedly ask David to do something, only to hear him say, "I know." This would come to a boil, and in anger they would yell and exact a punishment too harsh for the infraction.

Now, the wheel does all the work.

"David, it's 8:15; you haven't started the dishes yet. I'm afraid we'll have to spin the wheel."

"But, Mom!"

"I'm sorry, Dear. It's really not up to me. Those are the rules we all agreed on. Gee, I hope you don't land on a really bad consequence."

Julie says, "The amazing thing is, we're no longer the bad guys. We can actually root for the kids as they drag themselves up to the wheel. It's no longer 'us against them'. It's the wheel that they have to answer to. But the greatest thing of all is that we hardly ever have to use the wheel. It hangs on the kitchen wall, acting as a watchdog and reminder."

What Else?

The Butlers' website, www.better-behavior.com , shows some parents of ADHD children have found the wheel to be a wonderful program. That is great news for many! Every parent should work with their child's personality and decide if the wheel is right for them, keeping in mind that every program doesn't work with every child.

There are a couple of letters on Julie's site from parents asking for help with children who are completely out of control. One mother says her five-year-old "beats (his big sister), kills animals, curses, and destroys everything in his path." Another mother said her six-year-old adopted daughter has angry outbursts and goes in cycles. She wondered what to do when her child refuses the consequences and it starts another battle.

These are warning signs of something more serious than just a discipline problem. Often, young children and teenagers exhibiting these symptoms have a physical problem that can cause behavioral changes, such as infections, Lyme Disease and thyroid problems. Mental disorders such as early-onset bipolar disorder can also cause very similar symptoms and must be diagnosed and treated immediately.

In these cases, the Wheel would not be appropriate and medical intervention is needed immediately. For help, contact your pediatrician and look for information on these diseases and disorders on the Internet.

However, there is still a possibility that the wheel will be valuable with a child who is stabilized. Again, parents will have to make the decision to try the wheel according to each child.

The Last Word

Parents of children with normal behavior and discipline problems are encouraged to try this wheel and have a little fun with discipline! Bringing the whole family into the discipline decision-making is an excellent way to work as a team and come to a peaceful solution. The wheel isn't meant to exact negative punishment on a child, but rather remind them to pick their battles and mind their parents.

Teachers and parents alike will find the wheel very useful in classrooms and homes everywhere with children ages four and up!

Gina Ritter is a personal life coach for parents and publisher of www.naturalfamilyonline.com. She lives in New York with her husband and three boys (who also spin in the kitchen).

---

Reading Activities Parents Can Use For Their Children

Using 14 "at" Flashcards To Teach Reading:This exercise helps your child increase the speed with which she reads the words she has a grip on so far. Write each of the words flat,... Read More

Back to School - Disappontment?

Our back-to-school buying habits do not help kids succeed in the classroom!Parents are buying new book bags, school clothes, tennis shoes, notebooks, pens, etc., with the mistaken belief that this will help their... Read More

Where Will YOUR Kids Get A Job?

Let's face it.The job market is getting tougher every day.Computerization is making many jobs redundant.The Internet and modern telecommunications have allowed companies to outsource jobs to third-world countries where wage costs are much... Read More

More than Mom and Dad

Love, love, love. It makes the world go round. It makes a family. So why does it seem the moment you have a baby, love, or at least your love life as you... Read More

THE NEW SCHOOL VISIT: 5 Things to Look For

Today the little red school house is not what it use to be, and along with changes in how our schools are funded, how they are governed, how teachers teach and how children... Read More

Top 20 Items To Pack In A Diaper Bag

1. Diapers (5 -7 is a fairly safe supply)2. Wipes3. Cream (like Desitin, A&D ointment, Vaseline)4. Baby Powder5. At least one bottle of juice or milk6. A few jars of baby food7. At... Read More

The Family Guy - Parenting From a Single Dads Perspective

It was a hot summer day in august and The courthouse was without cold air. I wiped my brow as I entered the crowded courtroom. Several times I had appeared in family court,... Read More

Single Mother Sanity Savers Pt. 1

Being a single mother is no easy task. I know. I was a single mother of two children less than six months ago, so I can say with some authority that being a... Read More

Screaming Kids Driving You Nuts? Four Rules to Help You Keep Your Sanity!

Often I will hear parents say, "I just ignore Jr. when he has a fit or screams."Though there may be times when this is appropriate it is not appropriate when Jr. is less... Read More

Top Three Ways To Communicate With Your Child

Although many parents become frustrated as they try to maintain an open line of communication between themselves and their children, regardless of age, there are three quite simple ways to attempt to achieve... Read More

Youth In A Changing World

IntroductionChildren are the gifts of God to parents. That young child will in no time at all grow up to become a resposible future leader if he is well catered for. Therefore whatever... Read More

Back to School; Time to Recharge

The back-to-school shopping is done. Brand new pencils, colored markers, and notebooks fill my daughter's back pack. I've cleaned off the refrigerator in preparation for the new onslaught of pictures and class notices.... Read More

How to Raise Creative Kids

"Where did he come up with that?" Kids often amaze us with their imaginative ideas, and we should give ourselves a pat on the back for playing a role in this development. Innovative... Read More

Turn off the TV -- and Turn on to Physical Activity!

Imagine having no television for an entire season. Such was the case for a friend, whose mother hauled the appliance right out of the house at the start of every summer. Surprisingly, Ola... Read More

One Definition of Success

As parents, we want our children and teens to grow up and "be successful." But what "being successful" means depends on our definition of "success" in the first place. Obviously "success" means a... Read More

Teaching Your Children with Coupons

Coupons can be a great tool in educating your child about saving money, being frugal, and shopping smart. Who doesn't want their children to grow up knowing how to save easily on every... Read More

Really Good News About Your Children?s Video Games

Research published by University of Rochester neuroscientists C. Shawn Green and Daphne Bavelier has grabbed national attention for suggesting that playing "action" video and computer games has positive effects ? enhancing student's visual... Read More

Family Meetings Are Now On The Agenda

"Not another meeting!"That tends to be the reaction from many parents when they hear the M word mentioned. Parents tend to associate meetings with the workplace rather than families. Even at work, meetings... Read More

How Children Learn

Nurture and TeachThe single most important thing caregivers can do for a child is provide a nurturing environment. By doing this, we influence children's brain development and their ability to learn. Introducing nurtured... Read More

7 Ways to Survive the Start of the School Year

It happens every year. Just when you are settled in to the lazy days of summer, you are startled to find Back to School catalogs in your mailbox and bikinis going on sale... Read More

Teaching Your Children About the Value of Money

We take it for granted that children know how money gets into our wallets. The tips below will guide you through teaching your children the value of money.Now I'm not referring to the... Read More

Raising a Tobacco-Free Kid

We begin forming healthy habits at a young age. With all that we know about smoking, it is astounding that young people will still take that first puff of a cigarette just to... Read More

Stroller Safety Tips

Strollers offer a wonderful and convenient service to parents and caregivers. The first priority in choosing a stroller should be safety.To prevent tipping, choose a stroller that has a wide base so even... Read More

How to Stop Bad Behavior Before it Starts

Coping with a child's bad behavior, perhaps more than any other aspect of parenting, can cause stress, family disfunction, and a general loss of harmony in your home. Over time, negative behavior cycles... Read More

Get Down (On The Floor!) And Play With Your Children

When was the last time you and your kids rolled around on the floor together laughing yourselves silly? If you're like me, it may have been a while! Sometimes I get caught up... Read More

Develop Your Childs Critical Thinking Skills

1. Encourage Questions.Don't answer every question, instead ask what do they think. Asking questions stimulates conversation between you and your child.2. Don't Criticize.Criticism invites low self-esteem. Children feel that they have failed or... Read More

5 Ways To Help Your Kids Do Math

Uh oh.Your kids arrive home with their school reports and it's poor marks from the math department. Now what do you do?You may not be a math teacher, but thankfully there are ways... Read More

Parents of Toddlers and Pre-Schoolers: 7 Universal Laws

1. The Law of the BeastAs parents we need to keep in mind that we are raising our teenager while we raise our toddler. They are essentially the same beast.2. The Law of... Read More

How to Give Your Child Encyclopedic Knowledge?

When you talk about multiply your child's intelligence, you can't help but to mention about Dr. Glenn Doman. He is the founder of The Institutes for the Achievement of Human Potential and began... Read More