The Secrets To Improving Childrens Behaviour

Most parents at some stage are driven to distraction by one or more of their children's annoying habits or behaviours, whether it is a toddler who continually whines, a school-aged child who leaves clothes lying around or a teenager who uses a less than pleasant vocabulary.

How to affect change is a challenge for many parents. Do you ignore a child's annoying behaviour or do you pick up on it? A useful rule of thumb is to pick up on behaviours that are dangerous to the child himself or significantly infringe on the rights and comfort of others.

Also ask yourself: Is this behaviour reasonable for the child's age? For instance, it is reasonable to expect an eight year old not to disturb you while you are on the phone for twenty minutes but it is not reasonable to expect the same of a two year old.

It is also useful to take into account the child's current state of mind and what is going in on their lives that may be related to some unusual behaviour to occur at home.

The following four principles for changing your child's behaviour will be effective if you are both patient and persistent.

Principle one: Change your initial response first. This is important because children's behaviour generally requires a pay-off, which may be your attention or an attempt to defeat you. The most important principle about changing children's behaviour is to change your own behaviour first.So if your child' whines (a child's version of water torture) to get his own way refrain from answering back or giving in.

Principle two: Practise with your child the behaviour that you want. The notion of behaviour rehearsal is fundamental to learning a new behaviour. Don't just tell kids what you expect, get them to practise the behaviour you want. In the example of a young whiner - get him to practise asking for help or a treat in a normal voice.

Principle three: Minimise the behaviour you don't want. That means when children continue their old behaviour despite your brilliant suggestions ignore it, sidestep it or implement a consequence but don't nag or harp on it. Remember it takes time often to change a behaviour, particularly if it has been happening for a long time.

Principle four: Spotlight the appropriate behaviour. When your children behave in the desired way show your sincere appreciation. We often take children for granted or rather we are trained to give children no attention when they are good, but plenty when they are less than perfect. The behaviours we focus on expand so we need to focus our attention on desirable behaviours more than on the negative behaviours. For our young whiner it is essential to make a fuss when he uses a normal voice to get what he wants.

Like any process it will only work if you stick to it and follow it through. And don't be afraid to adapt it to suit your circumstances. Remember, it is the fact that you have a plan rather than the nature of the plan that is most powerful in achieving a change in your children's behaviour.

For practical ideas to make children's irritating behaviours such as whining, nagging, tantrums and sibling fighting disappear read Michael Grose's ground-breaking book - One Step Ahead. It is available at the shop at www.parentingideas.com.au

Michael Grose is Australia's leading parenting educator. He is the author of six books and gives over 100 presentations a year and appears regularly on television, radio and in print. For further ideas to help you raise happy children and resilient teenagers visit http://www.parentingideas.com.au . While you are there subscribe to Happy Kids newsletter and receive a free report Seven ways to beat sibling rivalry.

---

Renee?s Mommy is Here

I still remember the scene vividly. I was getting out of my car at the baby-sitter's house and a little boy comes running out the door. The little boys begins to yell -... Read More

Disciplining the Wild Child

Do you have a wild child? Then this article may be for you. Do you just blow up when you can't take it any more? Then this article is definitely for you.Abuse victims,... Read More

Parents of Toddlers and Pre-Schoolers: 7 Universal Laws

1. The Law of the BeastAs parents we need to keep in mind that we are raising our teenager while we raise our toddler. They are essentially the same beast.2. The Law of... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: The Power Struggle

Q: My husband and I are at a loss as to what to do with our two teenagers. They have been great kids and all of a sudden it seems like we are... Read More

Stroller Safety Tips

Strollers offer a wonderful and convenient service to parents and caregivers. The first priority in choosing a stroller should be safety.To prevent tipping, choose a stroller that has a wide base so even... Read More

ADHD: A Dialogue With a Non-Believer, Part Five

Dear Sir, It was with some interest that I read the article What You Should Know About Attention Deficit Disorder by Edward W. after having it handed to me by a member of... Read More

Picky Eater Kid Nutritional Guidelines

Although many children are picky eaters at some stage in their lives, the experts say not to worry. Unless you are feeding him or her chips and cookies three times each day, these... Read More

Protect your Kids Early with Safety Glasses

What exactly makes safety glasses different from regular glasses? There are several reasons glasses will be rated as safe. They must not only cover the front of the eyes but also the top... Read More

Does Your Child Need A Bedtime Routine? - Yes!

Do you struggle to get your child to bed at night? We sure did with our daughter. She would refuse to go to sleep in her bed and wanted to hang out with... Read More

Help! My Kids Dont Listen to Me

Does this sound familiar? Have your kids not listened to you when you wanted them to? This is one of the most common issues that parents bring to me seeking help and support.... Read More

You Want Whaaat???

Not too long ago my teenage daughter approached me with a very special request... one that not every father gets from his loving daughter. I was sitting in front of the TV after... Read More

Understanding Why Your Child Has Been Recommended for Testing

You have just received a call from your child's teacher explaining that she has noticed your child having difficulty in school. Your child is not understanding math or reading the way the other... Read More

Back to School Success Tips

Q. With the school year just beginning, what can we do as parents to help make this a successful year for our teen-ager and our family?A. Fortunately, there are many things you can... Read More

Homes for Troubled Teens: Therapeutic and Residential

For troubled teens who are struggling with drug abuse, depression or other serious issues, residential treatment centers that offer therapy-based solutions might be the best option. Residential treatment centers usually have a complete... Read More

Invented Spelling --- Another Alice-in-Wonderland Public-School Theory

As part of the whole-language (or "balanced") reading-instruction philosophy, many public schools now teach what they call "invented" or "creative" spelling. Under this theory of spelling, teachers believe that forcing a child to... Read More

Back to School Care Packages!

I am crying tears of joy mixed with great sadness as my oldest daughter prepares for her freshman year of college at the University of Maryland in the fall. She has already told... Read More

The Real Problem With Todays Teenagers (And Why Most Parents Just Dont Get It!)

An address given by Rev. David B. Smith (aka. 'Fighting' Father Dave)at the Sydney Town Hall, February 21st 2003. Dave was addressing students, parents & teachers at the Fort Street High... Read More

Power Foods for a Powerful School Lunch

There isn't a school day that goes by that I worry about my son's lunch. Of course, I ask myself the usual questions: Is he eating what he has in the bag? Will... Read More

What is Hyperactivity in Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder?

Most of the ADHD kids that are seen in a private practice setting are hyperactive kids simply because they get into the most trouble. Their parents are usually pulling their hair out and... Read More

How You Can Help Your Child To Be An Avid Reader

Reading is the most efficient and economical way to help anyone to acquire information, knowledge, skills and improve on one self. And it is most wonderful to help your child to be a... Read More

The Old and the New

During one "generation gap" quarrel with his parents young Michael cried, "I want excitement, adventure, money, and beautiful women. I'll never find it here at home, so I'm leaving. Don't try and stop... Read More

Choosing Names For Twins

There are many reasons for treating your twins as individuals rather than a pair. But if you must choose names that go together here are a few suggestions. But first, always make sure... Read More

Using Cloth Nappies

We all know that using cloth nappies is best for the environment and for our baby's health (not to mention our pockets) but just how easy are they to use?Here are answers to... Read More

Teaching Reading: Part 3, Whole Language Vs. Phonics

There are two methods for teaching children to read; whole language and phonics. Whole language is a "whole - part" method of teaching children to read, while phonics is a "part - whole"... Read More

Americas Public schools --- Deteriorating Like They Did In Ancient Rome

The citizens of the early Roman Republic enjoyed an education system similar to ancient Athens. It was voluntary and parents paid tutors or schools directly. There was very little government interference, so a... Read More

Old-Fashioned Ways to Inspire Children

"Walk through any toy store and you will see walls and walls of toys that are loud -- toys that require batteries, have flashing lights, or that look like your child's favorite movie... Read More

Hiking with Children

There is nothing quite like hiking with small children. The thrill of introducing these young ones to the wonder of nature is matched only by their eyes as they take it all in.... Read More

Managing Sibling Rivalry

It is human nature to feel competitive and envious toward others. A moderate spirit of competition is a positive and productive attribute in school and in business. Sibling rivalry is a normal part... Read More

Are You Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child?

Although many parents are concerned with our children's intelligence quotient (IQ), research shows that a child's emotional quotient (EQ) is just as important for that child's personal success. So what is Emotional Intelligence?... Read More