The Truth Behind Having Children

In the beginning, having children was just a byproduct of sexual instinct. Later it was a means to increase manpower for survival (hunting the mastodon, tilling the fields). It was just a part of life, even what one aspired to. A strapping daughter was great, a robust son perhaps even better.

Having children can be an expression of love to our mate. How more intimate can two people be than to literally mix their biological (genetic) essence into a tangible package. Children also help cement the marital bond through the shared common interest. There's ego involved too. For how would the world be right without our personal genetic packages continuing on, right?

But bearing children is serious business, not just a diversion from boredom or a means to pacify our insecurities or ego fantasies. In modern civilization things are different than in the bush or on the farm. The world already has more than enough people for its resources. Children do not help families survive; rather they are an economic burden.

To not have children is to miss out on something not duplicated by any other possible experience. It is such a joy that some parents keep repeating it without a full understanding of the long-term responsibilities and consequences. Regardless of their age you never really break the cord. So procreation is not recreation. Today's world requires an intelligent approach to most everything. Certainly, would be parents should be educated on child rearing as well as the impact population pressure has on the world. In fact, nobody should be allowed to have children without such training. It's insane that such an important responsibility requires nothing more than capable (and always willing) genitals.

But since there is no such training or requirement thereof, I'll take on the duty here. Before you become Mr. or Mrs. Fecund, consider the following:

1. Babies grow up to be in-your-face teenagers and adults. They are not always so cuddly, cute and compliant. Yes, you will be god to them for about 12 wondrous years, but that's it. Then you will have the rest of their life with responsibility without authority?they want you there to provide and pick up the pieces but don't want to follow your advice.

2. You will not make your children what you want them to be. They are not your toys, something to solve some ego or insecurity problem you have or a glob of clay for you to shape into your perfect view of a child (modeled after you, of course). They will not change from the first time you can recognize their personality in the crib until they die of old age. Don't try to spank them into submission or conformity to your dream of what they should be. It will not change them but it will leave you with memories to regret. All you can do is provide a healthy and loving environment for them to be what they will be. The rest is up to them.

3. You will never stop feeling a sense of responsibility toward them regardless of their age. You will never stop feeling guilt that you should have done more when they were young.

4. Children are a dramatic departure from a singles life and take a huge amount of energy and effort. It is no longer all about you. They require total devotion. If you have children when you are biologically ready in your teens, you will have plenty of energy to raise them, just not a whole lot of savvy to go along with that. You're still a kid yourself and have not yet even figured out that the world does not rotate around you. They will be raised and gone while you are in your thirties. If you have children in your thirties, you will have plenty of energy to begin but will be running out of steam in your forties and fifties. You will have much more life wisdom to help in their rearing though. Having children when you are quite young is therefore not a good idea, having them when you are quite old isn't either. My vote, however, is to have them when you are older (not too), smarter, less egocentric, more mellow, are not thinking bar-scene and appreciate and savor the things around you more. A child is something to savor.

5. You will never stop feeling as though they should listen to you (rightly so), but they will pretty much stop when they are about 12.

6. The more you do for your children when they are older, the more you impede their own independent progress. Love is turning them loose, not providing for their every need. Life is a series of lessons from experiencing failures and successes. Parents who insist on providing for every need thwart a child's development and rob them of life itself. Failure, pain and mistakes are success if we let children experience it and learn from it.

7. Children grow faster than we can keep up. About the time we come to understand and adjust to a particular stage in their life, they have moved on. You will always be behind, thinking of them in terms of a previous molt. If we do not adjust and respect their new mature stage, but keep them in our mind where they are no longer, they will move on to friends who see them for who they really are.

8. Each child brought into this already overpopulated world places an enormous burden on the carrying capacity of the earth. The earth is finite. Reproduction is infinite?until there is environmental collapse.

9. Worrying about teenage hormone-driven kids-- who might do what you did when you were that age-- is hell.

With all that said, there will never be another time in life when you feel so important and are so needed as when you are raising your family. There is also no equal affinity you can have for another than that for your child. Watching the development of children, when all things in the world are fresh and new to them, is like reliving these discoveries and joys yourself.

But do not be deceived into thinking it lasts. It not only doesn't, it passes so quickly you will be aghast. It is also cruel in that, although you are a constant to your child, they are an evolving creature with a series of deaths and rebirths through their various stages. You will long for the soft tender feel of their infant bodies, their sweet milky breath, their cute antics and clumsy verbiage, their first steps, their fears that only you can allay, and the awakening of their intellect. All these marvelous things pass quickly, ultimately leaving you with the empty nest syndrome and to mourn each stage of their childhood that is gone forever.

Several children later, these are the lessons I have learned. Would I like to experience rearing them all again? Yes, in a heartbeat. Did I do everything as well or as intelligently as I now perhaps could and am telling you to? No.

Such is life.

Dr. Wysong is a former veterinary clinician and surgeon, college instructor in human anatomy, physiology and the origin of life, inventor of numerous medical, surgical, nutritional, athletic and fitness products and devices, research director for the present company by his name and founder of the philanthropic Wysong Institute. He is author of The Creation-Evolution Controversy now in its eleventh printing, a new two volume set on philosophy for living, several books on nutrition, prevention and health for people and animals and over 15 years of monthly health newsletters.

He may be contacted at Wysong@Wysong.net and a free subscription to his e-Health Letter is available at http://www.wysong.net

---

10 Ways You Can Advocate For Your Child With A Learning Disability

Did you know that you are the most important person in your child's life? Of course you did. But did you know that parents of children with learning disabilities can also be their... Read More

School Issues: When Should an ADHD Child Be Held Back In School?

This can be a very complicated issue, so I don't mean to suggest that my comments here are the definitive thoughts on the subject. For a parent to even consider the issue, things... Read More

Four Tips For Alleviating Back To School Anxiety

Back to school preparations are in full-swing. Soon, the first bell of the year will ring and the sounds of summer will be replaced by the voices of school-aged children bemoaning the end... Read More

Ten Tips to Stimulate Your Newborns Senses

A number of scientific studies have shown the way a baby uses her senses in the early months of life is crucial to future development. A baby, whose senses are stimulated develop a... Read More

Beginning the Special Education Process

Like anything else in life, there's a method to the special education process. It was put in place to help people who deal with learning disabilities get the best services possible. In order... Read More

Your Job as a Role Model

A certain educator was once asked at what point should a parent begin to prepare for child raising."How old are you?" the educator inquired."Twenty-three.""You should begin twenty-three years ago."What is the message? The... Read More

Fun Things to Do with Your Kids this Summer

10 Fun Things You Can Do With Your Children this Summer that Won't Break the BankFor a family with small children like my own, a big family vacation in the summer isn't always... Read More

Guide To Choosing Educational Toys For Children

In the last few years, parents started getting more and more interested in choosing all sorts of educational toys for their children. Because a parent wishes the best for his child, a toy... Read More

Send Your Child to College FREE!

College is one of the largest expenses through the course of your child???s life. It is also one of the main causes of debt in America. With today's rates of inflation, it is... Read More

Tracking Your Child Progress

As a parent, you can learn a lot about your child's learning and watch for signs of possible problems. Here are some things to look for and to discuss with his teacher:Starting at... Read More

Finding Answers to Underachievement

Finding answers to a child's underachievement is often a difficult and complex process. Let intuition be your guide, knowing when and how to ask the right questions. Here are 7 steps to get... Read More

Educational Toys And Childrens Books - A Must For Optimal Childhood Development

The brightly colored plastic mobile dangles lazily overhead in the infant's crib. The baby coos as its tiny arms swing a rattle back and forth. In another room a pre-school youngster is busy... Read More

Drinking and Driving: Will Your Child Become a Statistic?

Just two days ago, another 15-year old child was added to the overwhelming statistics of drunk-driving, related deaths. One minute, he's full of vitality and attending our local high school, the next his... Read More

Playground Pettiness

Recently I took my two children to a popular new park in the area. It's a beautiful new playground, all wood, divided into different areas of play for different age groups. It's wonderful... Read More

Two Means Trouble

You have two kids who are 14 months apart. How cute, they look alot alike...are they twins? One is taller and more mature than the other, so that can't be.Two can be a... Read More

Parenting Styles - Overcoming Your Differences

If you spend any time in the parenting section of the library or your local bookstore, you will find hundreds of books on disciplining and raising your children. All the leading experts have... Read More

The Personality of a Virgo Child

Your Virgo Baby..August 23 - September 22Virgo children are honest and reliable and usually tidy, although they may have bouts of being disorganised. Quick and alert, your Virgo child can be an excellent... Read More

Parenting Univeristy: Potty Training 101

When your child shows signs of potty training readiness, it's time to purchase some essential potty training items. There are many new products which can help to make potty training quick and easy... Read More

The Science of Mother Love

A growing body of scientific evidence shows that the way babies are cared for by their mothers will determine not only their emotional development, but the biological development of the child's brain and... Read More

Building Teen Character: Part-Time Employment

The teenage years are a crucial time in a child's life. They are not children anymore, but they are also not adults. During this time the choices they make may have an effect... Read More

A Dialogue with an ADHD Non-Believer

Dear Sir, It was with some interest that I read the article What You Should Know About Attention Deficit Disorder by Edward W. after having it handed to me by a member of... Read More

Your Kids Career - Whose Choice?

A strange thing happened to me today. Or more precisely, a strange thought occurred. You see, my eldest son helped me install a new kitchen. He was the expert handyman. Me? Well, I... Read More

Raising Boys

The last decade has seen heightened interest in and awareness of the issues surrounding boys in most of the western world. It is common knowledge that boys lead the way in all the... Read More

Where Is Your Homework, Lisa?

Is Homework Really That Important?Dear Friends,I no longer teach in public schools, but for what seems like 100 years, I did. During my long career, I did the best I knew how to... Read More

Diagnosing ADHD in Children, an Introduction

Everyone in a private practice setting who works with children or adults is going to have their own opinion on how Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder - ADD or ADHD - should be diagnosed.... Read More

The Top 10 Tips for Communicating with Children

Most people have more training before they receive their driver's license than before they become a parent. Educating yourself on how to communicate effectively with your child can be the key to achieving... Read More

Clean Slates and Fresh Starts

Hope, excitement and anxiety all wrapped up in fresh haircuts and new clothes. Pens, pencils and notebooks, the smell of a new box of crayons and a brand new book; it all speaks... Read More

Child Communication Skill: Do You Really Know What Your Child Is Saying To You?

Here's the scene of communication with your child: your three-year-old boy is bawling his eyes out. Hurriedly, you run over, and ask "What's wrong?". But no answer is spoken, the tears just keep... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: The Bottom Line Issues

Q. When you consult with a family with teens, what are the typical bottom-line issues?A. Not surprisingly, the bottom line issues for parents are very different than the bottom line issues for the... Read More