What Do Chinese Water Torture and Arguing with Children Have in Common?

Imagine yourself lying flat on your back, totally strapped down onto a cold, hard table, unable to move any part of your body. You can't see anything around you because your eyes are covered. You find yourself imprisoned by the enemy and you have no where to go for help. The room is silent except for the slow, steady, drops of water that fall on your forehead.

The longer you lay there, the more uncomfortable you feel. Your body tenses up after each drop of water as you anticipate the next one coming. Your nerves feel frayed as you find yourself helpless and powerless to get out of this situation! You're not sure how much more of this you can take before you lose all sense of sanity. This is exactly what it feels like to a parent whose child constantly argues or whines.

Parents unknowingly become ambushed by their argumentative and/or whining children. It begins when the parent says something like, "No, you can't do that today" and the child refuses to accept the parent's edict. The moment the child begins arguing, he's arming himself with all the reasons he has not to listen to his parent. He is totally focused on getting his way. When a parent argues back to a child, he or she has forgotten who is in control.

Why? Successful parents know better than to get into an argument with their child. It shows the child the parent can be manipulated and swayed. When a parent and child face off and argue with one another, they create a battle ground of wills. The ambush for parents begins when the parent answers back to the arguing child. An invisible web then covers the parent, taking away some of his freedom. The more the parent argues, the stronger the web becomes, draining the parent's energy and taking away his control.

The unfortunate part of this plight is that it leaves no winners. Arguing causes one's blood pressure goes up as the heart beats faster. Muscles in the face and chest begin to tense. There's shortness of breath as the body reacts to the rising emotional feelings. If the parent wins the argument, the child loses and feels angry at the parent, instead of looking at how he created this situation. When the child wins the argument, the parent loses his place of control and power in the relationship. This damages the sense of safety the child has. He needs to know his parent is stronger than he is so he'll be taken care of and kept safe by his parent.

Every time an argument begins to take place, the parent has the emotional memory of past arguments and how unpleasant they were. He may move immediately into a defensive posture, preparing for an ambush. He's determined not to go through the torture of arguing again. Or, he may immediately feel himself drained of energy. He's unsure of himself, afraid of losing control. Either way, the lurking fear of being captured, and the torture that could await him whispers in his mind.

How can a parent avoid getting into this painful predicament? Do not allow yourself to become ambushed by your child's words. When the arguing starts, look your child in the eye and softly say, "I love you too much to argue" and then quickly walk away. As you do, see yourself fleeing toward freedom; no more bondage and torture. You have set yourself free and are once again in control of your children.

MaryLynne White
Can a Game Really Compel Any Child to Behave? "How to Become a Super Nanny in Your Own Home! Free Consumer Awareness Guide Shows You How..."
http://www.ParentSurvival911.com

---

Parenting Your Teenager: Teens and Violence

I have a bit of a different response than most therapists to the often asked question:"How can all this teen violence be happening?"My questions are:"How could this not be happening"and"Why doesn't it happen... Read More

Childhood Friendships

Childhood friendships are as special as they are a necessary part of growing up. While some of our children will maintain these friendships into adulthood, many will not. Kids move away or they... Read More

Bring On The Music To Help Your Child Learn Faster And More Effectively

Do you remember how you first learned the alphabet? I am quite sure that the majority of us learnt it by singing the ABC Song: 'ABCDEFG-HIJKLMNOP-QRS-TUV-WXY-and-Z...'There is no doubt that music and songs... Read More

Who Are Your Kids Talking To Online?

Studies have shown that:1 out of 4 children were sent pictures of people who were naked or having sex?1 out of 5 children were solicited for sex on the Internet50% of people have... Read More

How To Teach Your Children Courage

Courage means doing the right thing when it is hard, even when it means being called a "chicken" by others.A person with courage dares to attempt difficult things that are good. He has... Read More

Motherhood is a Perfect Adventure

How often do you think of family life as an adventure or delightful experience? If you and your children are having a good day, then you might buy into this idea. However, many... Read More

Teenagers and Trouble - How Parents Can Keep their Teens Out of Trouble

Teenagers are a work-in-progress, and parenting teenagers can be tricky business. Many kids get into some kind of trouble at some point, and, although this can provide them a powerful learning opportunity, taking... Read More

Book Review: How to Get Your Child to Love Reading

How to Get Your Child to Love Reading was conceived when author Esm? Raji Codell was staring at a shriveled potato that was sprouting eyes. She wondered, " . . . if I... Read More

Marriages May End But Families Are Forever

It was at that time when our marriage was falling apart and we completely hated each other when we needed to work constructively as parents, as our child's world was crumbling too.I have... Read More

Valuable Parenting Tip

Very often, new parents rely on a parenting tip or two which is passed to them by their own folks, who are now grandparents and usually have plenty of reliable advice to share.... Read More

Grandparents! Help Your Grandkids Do Math!

This may come as a surprise.But despite all the advances in education, many kids still struggle in the math class.Math is an important subject, yet many kids just don't "get it".Teachers can only... Read More

Top Three Reasons To Get Involved At Your Childs School

You may think once your child has gone off to school full-time (officially a First-Grader) that he/she no longer needs you... You could not be more wrong... Just consider the following three benefits... Read More

Paediatric Osteopathy

All babies cry, but if yours cries a lot, isn't sleeping or is just plain irritable, many parents have found that a paediatric osteopath can help, particularly if the birth was difficult.By gently... Read More

Top 50 Mom Quotations

"All that I am or ever hope to be, I owe to my angel Mother."-- Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)"I remember my mother's prayers and they have always followed me. They have clung to me... Read More

Just Average

What do you mean average? Not good? Just doing good enough?That's what came out in Joshua's report card recently. Looking back, I wasn't too bright a child either. Sure, I did well enough... Read More

Develop Your Childs Genius: Improving Concentration and Focus

Some people can concentrate on an assignment, to the exclusion of all distractions around them. My husband, who is an avid reader, can sit at a public place and read, no matter how... Read More

How Public Schools Coerce Parents Into Giving Mind-Altering Drugs To Their Children

Despite the potentially dangerous side-effects of Ritalin, public school authorities now pressure many parents to give Ritalin to their children so these kids won't "act up" in school.Naturally, most parents don't want to... Read More

Parenting in the Kitchen ? Lessons in Cooking, Socializing, and Bonding

Kitchens are where everything happens. It's not just where meals are prepared ? it's usually the hub of the home, where family and friends get together to spend time. Cooking and eating together... Read More

Diagnosing ADHD in Your Child, an Introduction

Everyone in a private practice setting who works with children or adults is going to have their own opinion on how Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder - ADD or ADHD - should be diagnosed.... Read More

Social Engineering via Robotic Toddlers

Is there a way to build a robot to help toddlers and pre-schoolers learn proper social behavior without the parents intervention? A robotic friend so to speak; one, which will play with the... Read More

Cooking With Your Kids Helps Develop Motor Skills for Preschoolers

Did you know that cooking with your kids is a natural way for them to develop motor skills? If you've never looked at cooking that way before, think again. There's a reason why... Read More

The Challenges of Single Parenting

Having worked with parents for the last 35 years and written books on parenting and relationships, I've discovered that one of the greatest challenges for us as parents is to be loving role-models... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: But everyone else gets to do it!

Q. We are getting to the stage with our kids where they are becoming teen-agers and are asking for more and more privileges. When we believe we need to say ``no,'' our daughter... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: Ask Questions

Many parents seem to be more than a little confused about what they have a right to know about their teens.The question I often get goes something like this:"We want to know where... Read More

Son, Can I Use The Car Tonight?

I recall somewhere in the recesses of my aging brain a time past when kids actually asked to borrow the family car for the evening. Heck, I even recall myself uttering that request... Read More

Want To Further Your Childrens Studies?

Being in a competitive world, the lowest qualification to secure a good job is a degree. However, a degree subject may be perceived as too general and the acquisition of a specialist skill... Read More

Effects of Jealousy on Childs Personality

Dear friends here we will charge up our mind with the information of jealousy, Meaning of jealousy, causes of jealousy & effects of jealousy on personality.Meaning- Jealousy is an form of emotional stress.... Read More

How to Talk to Your Kids About Suicide: New Study Says it May Make Them Less Likely to Consider It!

This year alone, 1,600 teenagers aged 15 to 19 will die from committing suicide. Suicide among kids, once a rarity, is now a growing concern in America, and it appears that one of... Read More

Why First Borns Fuss, Seconds Are Resilient and Last Borns Like To Laugh

How can two or three children in the same family be so different? They are brought up in the same broad social environment, under a similar set of rules and an identical family... Read More