Why Consistency Is The Key To Raising Well-behaved Kids

Being consistent when children are less than perfect can make you feel dreadful. However consistency is one of the most important elements in the relationship with your children, but it is the one most frequently overlooked.

Consistency means dealing with the little misbehaviours and not letting them grow into bigger behaviours. It means saying no to children's constant requests for five more minutes of television at night or a third serve of ice cream. It means following through and allowing children to experience a consequence when they misbehave every time. It doesn't mean if children arrive home after dark from a friend's place you ground them sometimes but at other times you just voice your disapproval. That type of inconsistency makes you responsible for children's misbehaviour and teaches children nothing about accountability.

Consistency also means that both parents have a similar approach to behaviours. If mum is too strict and dad is too lenient children will know who to go to if they wish to take advantage. They will soon play one parent off against each other. If a child wants to get away without doing a job or stay an extra hour at a friend's place just ask dad because he is easy-going. Even if you are separated, talk about your approaches to discipline and find some common ground. Agree on such issues as family rules, pocket money, and guidelines for going out and suitable consequences for misbehaviour.

If you disagree with a partner's approach do so behind closed doors. When unplanned situations occur don't be afraid to tell your children that you need to consult with your partner before making a decision. Children will realise that you are working as a team and that you are making a considered approach to their behaviour or request.

Consistency, like routines, are often sacrificed by busy working parents and put in the 'too hard basket'. When we are tired, stretched and overworked the last thing we want to do is engage in a battle with children over what are sometimes petty issues. You may have spent the whole day dealing with difficult customers or colleagues only to come home and find that you have another battle on your hands with equally belligerent children. So to avoid an argument, a tantrum or tears you give in to your child's unruly behaviour or unreasonable request.

But giving in rather than being consistent and holding your ground is a smart long-term strategy. Kids learn quickly how far they can push a parent before they give in. If you give in occasionally they will learn that if they push you hard enough and long enough you will cave in. So consistency is about being strong and holding your ground. That is hard work because the average child will push parental boundaries about 30per cent of the time and more difficult kids push your boundaries twice that much. It is hard work being consistent but good parenting demands it.

A comprehensive strategy to help you effectively manage children's behaviour is available in Michael Grose's landmark parenting book - One Step Ahead. It is available at the shop at www.parentingideas.com.au.

Michael Grose is Australia's leading parenting educator. He is the author of six books and gives over 100 presentations a year and appears regularly on television, radio and in print.

For further ideas to help you raise happy children and resilient teenagers visit http://www.parentingideas.com.au . While you are there subscribe to Happy Kids newsletter and receive a free report Seven ways to beat sibling rivalry.

---

A New Dad To Be? Deer in the headlights?

Ok. So you're a dad to be. If you're like most men, this can be a scary situation. We go through so many emotions and sometimes we don't know what to think or... Read More

SMUT Spelled Backwards is TUMS

Why are more people, especially parents not outraged?I call it SMUT - Selling Made Under Titillation.It seems that more and more corporations are chasing the dollar to the demise of the family. Commercials... Read More

Swing Sets and Outdoor Play Equipment- 5 Essential Tips Before You Buy

For first time parents choosing a swing set or outdoor play equipment can be a daunting task. There are so many different materials to choose from and prices can vary from around a... Read More

The ADHD Parents Guide: Questions for the School

Here is something that you might want to keep if you are thinking about changing your child's school next fall or if you are planning to have your child tested by the school... Read More

Top 10 Ways to Motivate Your Student

As the new school year begins, parents play a pivotal role in their child's success. Here are 10 tips for motivating your student from GoalSettingforStudents.com.1. Stress "I'll Make It Happen" words. Encourage your... Read More

A Chart for Everything

For every season, check, check, check, There is a chart, check, check, check, And a chart can replace some of your nagging. A chart for chores, A chart for grades. A... Read More

Helping Your Teen Get Back to School With Clear Skin

Backpack? Check. Notebooks? Check. Ink-pens? Check. Clear Skin? Mommmm!If you are anything like three-fourths of the parents Harris Interactive for the American Counseling Association recently surveyed, you are actively involved in helping your... Read More

Who Will Be Their Guardian?

If you are like most people today, you do not have a will. The reasons for this failure are many, with the most common being along the lines of "I don't have enough... Read More

Child Separation Anxiety: Does Your Child Have It?

If you are a parent, then more than likely you may face the common problem of separation anxiety in your child. What exactly is child separation anxiety? In a nutshell, this is the... Read More

Consistent Boundaries Makes Discipline Easier

Homes should be run by parents, not children. So many times, however, either the children are in charge or the parents are so eager to be liked, that whatever rules and standards are... Read More

The Three Best Alternative Treatments for ADHD

There are a LOT of alternative treatments for sale out there for people with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder who would rather not have to use a strong medication such as Ritalin. Some of... Read More

Strategies to Help Boost Your Childs Self Esteem

Self esteem in an important quality for all children to have. As parents, you can help to boost your child's self esteem by following the steps below:Model good self-esteem: Express through your actions... Read More

10 Signs That Your Teen Is Using Drugs

Did you know that over 75% of teens aged 16-17 report that obtaining marijuana is "easy or fairly easy?" Or that 25% of youths between 12 and 17 say the same of crack?When... Read More

My Children

I have been a single mom for almost 20 years. My kids were 3, 7, 12 and 14 when my ex left.As a single mom, it's often hard because you are the only... Read More

Educational Jigsaw Puzzles, How Educational Are They?

Many companies advertise their products as being educational. How much of this terminology is sales promotion and jargon, and how much is fact?As an educator for many years, I can say with authority,... Read More

Developing a Fantastic Relationship with Your Child

Here's a scene: A parent "might suddenly grab a happliy playing child and shower him with excited hugs and kisses without warning." What's wrong with this picture?I would say that, simply, the parent... Read More

Help Your Kids Learn More About Managing Their Personal Economy

Remember when cash was a tangible commodity in all of our personal economies? As kids, we went to the bank, shopped with our parents and frequently watched them pay with cash. Now with... Read More

Calming Tips for Hyperactive Children

Parents of hyperactive children know the "Would you please just settle down?!" phrase well, and likely use it on a regular basis.There are a number of tips to help parents settle their hyperactive... Read More

Handling Failure -- Teaching Kids How to Profit From It

There is nothing pleasant about failure, at least not at the time that it happens! Failure embarrasses us, feels bad, and often costs us money. Little wonder that people avoid failure like the... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: Self-Decorating or Self-Harm - How to Tell the Difference

Q. I need your help with a question about my teen-age daughter. Getting her ears pierced was no big deal, but then she wanted to get a belly button ring and a tongue... Read More

Develop Your Childs Genius: The King of Games - the Game of Kings

Many people still think that the game of chess is appropriate for old people. In their mind's eye, they see 2 elderly people sitting across from each other in the park, playing a... Read More

Relate With Your Teen And Gain Their Trust

We were all teens at one time for some many years ago even if we don't like to admit it. Many of us can look back and say our teen years were good,... Read More

The Top 5 Reasons Why Unwed-Parents Must Establish Paternity

"It takes a village to raise a child" is more than an African proverb, and when the village is small and one parent is missing the task becomes even more challenging. Fortunately, being... Read More

ADD / ADHD Children : Being Your Childs Best Friend

Do you live with an ADD / ADHD child? If so-- my hat is off to you! ADD / ADHD children are brilliant, full of energy, smart as a whip (as grandma says),... Read More

Sibling Rivalry: The Magic Trick That Stops It Instantly

It's a familiar scene: Kids screaming at each other, complaining that, "He got a bigger piece of pie," or "She got to stay up an hour later last night."When sibling rivalry rears its... Read More

Are You Frustrated With Public Schools?

Join a growing number of parents and teachers!Fact: Last year, our nation spent over $382 Billion on education. Over 99% was spent on developing "learning environments" - buildings, books, science labs, teachers, sports... Read More

Valuable Parenting Tip

Very often, new parents rely on a parenting tip or two which is passed to them by their own folks, who are now grandparents and usually have plenty of reliable advice to share.... Read More

Homeschool Socialization - Developing Your Homeschool Childs Social Skills

Everyone needs friends, and, as parents, you and I both know we're responsible for our children's social lives as well as our own. As homeschoolers, we also know that kids don't need public... Read More

Co-sleeping, a personal story

When I was pregnant, we knew that we had some fairly fixed ideas about how we wanted to raise our child, including allowing her to share our bed for as long as she... Read More