Because of You

You are to me my lifeline my security. That scares me. I never wanted to trust again that much I got hurt too badly the last time. I swore I'd never do it again, never let the trust out of my hands into someone elses.

And yet I've done it and now I'm afraid of what you will do with it, of what I'll do because of it.

My first instinct is, as always, to run, to hide, to protect myself from the hurt I know will come. I don't know when or how, just that it will, sometime.

I wanted to protect myself to build the walls around me but you wouldn't let me. You smashed bricks as I put them in place you refused to let me shut myself in, so now what? Where do I go now? I feel lost,defenceless, my hiding place is no more.

My walls are broken and I'm now afraid to rebuild the walls afraid I won't see you if I do or anyone else and I'm not sure if that's really what I want to do.

AT times it is. I want to shut myself away and hide, and yet I want to be out, to mix to talk to share. And I blame you for not letting me before shaking me up for refusing to let me retreat.

And yet I know that if I were not ready you could not have reached me no one could. I would have protected myself better I wouldn't have risked or grown.

I want to curse you and thank you at the same time. I want to laugh with delight at the things I've seen and found with you and cry in despair for what will not be.

You have opened me to be what, I'm not yet sure but I know that I am stronger because of you braver, because of you more, because of you.

Fran Watson "Expert Author" http://www.franwatson.ca http://www.mormunny4u.org http://www.diet-basics.org

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